It's that time of year again, when the fate of our futures is left to a freshwater fish and an Egyptian goddess. Yes, the new COD is up, and soon students will begin stalking ISIS in hopes of actually enrolling in their classes. Many eagerly await the posting of the new COD in much the same way that children anticipate the publishing of the FAO Schwarz toy catalogue during the Christmas season. Browsing the directory, it's possible to imagine the perfect schedule or marvel at all of the interesting classes being offered. ISIS, however, causes madness in much the same way as crunch-time holiday shopping lines do, fighting over the last Xbox 360 or Wii in a store's inventory.
For fourth-years, this process is bittersweet because it signals that their time at dear ole U.Va. is up. Their major is finished (hopefully), and their final schedule is set, with a march down the Lawn looming. For fourth-years, it is time to face the music of the real world, and for that they have my sympathy. If any fourth-year is actually reading this on a Friday with about a month left in Charlottesville, however, I suggest you put down the paper and take a hard look in the mirror. You have only so much time left with the 'Hoos -- isn't there something more meaningful you could be doing? Aren't there lists for these types of occasions?
As for third-years, the major is chosen, the course is set. They can only hope and pray that their ISIS lottery number is good enough to get the classes they need to finish that major and possibly ease the pain of fourth year.
Thankfully, for first- and second-years, there is still time. Most second-years are just now declaring majors, and first-years are coming to the horrifying realization that they can't major in keg tapping. For first-years, there is still time to set the record straight before making a big mistake. Everyone seems to come to Grounds with a preconceived notion of what they want to major in with the most common answers being pre-comm, pre-med or undecided. For the most part, these are stock answers for those wonderfully awkward conservations when you're asked what your name is, where you're from and what your major is. These exchanges take place in much the same way as POW interrogations when the prisoner tries to only divulge his or her name, rank and serial number. Let's debunk the myths, shall we?
Pre-comm is the best because it's unique to U.Va. Hundreds of first-years announce their intentions to go into the McIntire School of Commerce because it's the second-best undergraduate business school in the country or because they couldn't get into Wharton. Perhaps they just want the thrill of getting into U.Va. for a second time. But the most widely accepted reason is that students sell their souls to the Commerce School for two years in the hopes of getting a lucrative job upon graduation. I've always wondered about the curious business decision of paying to learn about business. It seems as if most of the great innovators either understood business intuitively or learned it on the fly -- Bill Gates dropped out of Harvard, you might remember. It also seems odd that one would want to learn about business at a university founded by a man who died in substantial debt. (Excuse me while I dodge the lighting bolt for insulting Mr. Jefferson.) And since it seems so obvious that prospective Commerce students are only concerned with making money, why don't we have a school of counterfeiting?
Pre-med students are interesting contradictions. They willingly commit themselves to eight to 10 more years of school and other tortures such as organic chemistry. They are quick to complain about these trials and travails, but suffering orgo is the least they can do if they expect to have my life in their hands some day. If they are doing it for the money, they should have gone into the Commerce School (see above). If they are doing it to help people, they should have enrolled in the Nursing School. If they do it for the love of science, they should become researchers. My only conclusion is they are merely seeking the title, the Dr. in front of their names and/or the MD after. This is a long-standing college tradition, as many women have come to college to get their Mrs.
Finally, there is the group majoring in uncertainty, the dreaded group of "undecided" or "undeclared." They either have too many interests to choose from or have been too busy with their study of Rugby Road and the Corner. In general, they are the people who feel that class gets in the way of their college experience. Accordingly, you see a lot of panic picks like psychology -- or basically any subject from the
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