This is my last column after two years of writing for The Cavalier Daily, and, therefore, it carries the onerous burden of being the best article ever, for as comedians and weight-lifters say, you should always end strong. I wish I could write a hilarious article that would surpass all my others and leave people so happy they would have no choice but to name all of their children after me. This, however, will not be the case. I want instead to use this space to thank the people and groups that have made these past four years at U.Va. so great.
To my fellow First Year Players Tech members: Having only touched a power tool once before coming to college -- which inevitably led to the 1871 Great Chicago Fire and 12 counts of arson -- I'm not sure what drew me to First Year Players tech. But I was drawn, and I'm very glad I joined such a loving group. Most importantly, I really appreciate the two invaluable life lessons you taught me: (1) Friendship is the most important thing and (2) Measure twice, cut once, but, for the sake of everyone's health, do not let Chris do either of these.
To my fellow Webbies: I don't think I could have asked for a better first-year dorm and dorm mates. The great Webb Lounge memories are still vivid in my mind, especially the time a certain someone decided to hurdle the furniture, only to trip over every single item. Luckily the floor was carpeted and he was drunk, or else he may have hurt himself more seriously than just the broken legs. First year was amazing, and I'm happy I began college with you all.
To the members of UJC: Although I have never directly been involved with this group, I really appreciate never having been kicked out of the University.
To those in The Cavalier Daily and the Declaration: Even though it's blasphemous that I wrote often for both of these papers, I thank you both for the opportunities you have given me to write, as well as for the editors' support. I really hope one day you two will be able to reconcile your differences and make amends. After all, look at all of the similarities you two have:
1. You both publish at least twice a year.
If that's not enough to call yourself family, then I don't know what a family is (answer: it's a type of custard).
To my housemates: I've very much enjoyed living with you guys for four years. I'm not sure if anybody else but you could convince me I should go out to $2 pitchers when I have two papers due and just lost my kidney. I wish I could live with you for a little longer, but, on the other hand, I won't mind no longer having to argue about who keeps making holes in the drywall.
To my little brother: I'm so happy you came to U.Va.-- if only because I can still hit you and give you wet willies and lie to Mom that you just kicked me. Well, and also because I love you.
To Sweetbriar: Live the dream. And if the music endeavor doesn't pan out, I'll be your Hollywood Video employee groupie.
To UPC, UPC Comedy, and the 2007-08 UPC Governing Board: If in high school somebody had said to me, "Chris, you will one day work with an organization that brings Stephen Lynch, John Oliver, Dane Cook and other comedians to U.Va.," I would have been shocked. "Wow," I would have replied, "Somebody is willingly talking to me! And he even knows my name!" But, seriously, I love UPC and everyone involved with it. The organization is so full of motivated, dedicated, fun, energetic and caring people. I have spent my last two years absorbed with UPC, and I'm sad that I'll no longer be able to sit in the Newcomb Hall office and interrupt various meetings with my off-the-wall peanut-gallery comments. I hope programming goes well next year, and may UPC Comedy's name live on!
To everyone: I would love to thank each of you individually, and there are certain people I really want to do that for, but this isn't the place to do so. First of all, it's esoteric, and, in general, people would rather eat rusty Styrofoam than read random inside jokes. Moreover, with only so much space I'll indubitably leave someone important off the list. So for fear of that, I'll just say this: Thank you for making my college experience so wonderful.
Chris' column ran weekly Mondays. He can be reached at shuptrine@cavalierdaily.com.