We all remember it. That super-awkward conversation with the parents — you know the one. It was the sex talk. The specifics are different for everyone; some conversations were pretty tame, and others were rather traumatic. Some parents just handed their child a book, and others avoided the topic entirely. Whatever the situation in your family, I’ll bet you have two competing story lines in your head: The way your parents actually talked to you about sex and the way you wish they had. The bad news is that there’s no time machine to go back and change the way it was done. So what is the good news? You can continue educating yourself, starting today, even though you may believe that you already know everything there is to know.
Think back: Maybe you thought you were ready to face the world after the talk with the parents. On the other hand, maybe you were so scared that you vowed never to participate in any form of sexual activity until at least the age of 40. In any case, at some point you experienced that first kiss and probably a first boyfriend or girlfriend too. From those I’ve talked to about their first kisses, the experiences are generally classifiable as pretty awkward and ridiculous. If anything, they are useful in illustrating the fact that we don’t know everything about relationships, including both the emotional part and the sexual part.
Kissing, for its part, usually leads to other things. Often we continue on, step-by-step, through the whole gamut of potentially enjoyable sexual activities. At this point, many of us have taken what is commonly considered to be “the ultimate step” and participated in sexual intercourse, while others of us have not. For those on the “have had intercourse” side of the spectrum, hopefully it was a decision with which you were comfortable (although the younger you were, the less likely it is that you were completely happy with the idea). Again, “the first time” is often not the most enjoyable of experiences, even if you felt completely ready for it. That’s just because it takes practice, learning and communication to get something right and, at that point in the game, there’s not a knowledge base upon which you can rely.
As counter-intuitive as it sounds, we usually don’t know what sort of sensations we enjoy until we experiment a bit, much less how to create sensations that our partners will enjoy. That is why talking is so important. While I’m not sure of the exact statistics involved, I’m going to go ahead and assume that a lot of us take our sexual cues from the movies — how to make out, how to look sexy while taking off our clothes and so forth. But overall, most of the movies we watch are pretty sexually tame (I’m excluding pornography here, and sticking with major motion pictures). The make-outs all look the same, and the sex is mostly missionary position.
There are more opportunities out there and better sensations to be had. If you follow a movie script, your sex life will probably end up pretty bland. Maybe it seems awkward to vocalize such concerns with a sexual partner (maybe you should leave this column face-up on their desk), but trust me, you will thank yourself later, when you just had the best orgasm of your life — or, when you stopped at your previously agreed-upon stopping point, rather than yet again having gone further than you would have otherwise preferred. Seriously, it’s worth talking about. You will laugh about the awkwardness later, while cherishing the great things that resulted.
You can also take the initiative to do a little reading on your own. We’ve all gotten the abstinence/condoms/birth control spiel, but again, that’s a rather limited snapshot of the wider world of safe sex and birth control. There are books, Web sites, and peer health educators out there who would love to tell you more about safer sex and how to ensure that your sex life is exactly what you want it to be. Sexuality is a process that we begin learning about at a tender age, but it doesn’t stop once we become grown-ups. It’s an ongoing process, and it’s a pretty sure bet that the more you know about sex (especially safer sex) and the more you talk to your partner about what you want, the better your sex life will be.
Andrenne is a fourth-year College student. She can be reached at a.alsum@cavalierdaily.com.
Read More
U.Va. students and physicians team up for another year of free kidney screenings
By Merrill Hart | November 5, 2024Saturday’s screening marked the first by KDSAP at Portico Church, near IX Art Park.
U.Va. Health sees a spike in COVID-19 cases
By Emily Horn | September 4, 2023U.Va. Health ended their vaccination requirements in August, and masks were made optional in most hospital areas in early April.
U.Va. Cancer Center harnesses $12 million grant to support opportunities for undergraduates, ongoing research and new center
By Ellen Wu | January 12, 2023The grant provides an opportunity to establish the Center for Systems Analysis of Stress-Adapted Cancer Organelles, which seeks to find the cause of cancer in individual organelles.
