Two weekends ago, Lauren Conrad saved me from insanity. Yes, you read that right. Perhaps I should explain. Gather round, my children.
It all began on the long weekend that is Fall Break, when most students visit friends at other colleges or catch the last few decent days at the beach. And so you are tempted to ask, is this article going to be some lame boast about my amazing reading days? Haha, no.
During Fall Break, I didn’t get to see high school friends, and I certainly didn’t get close to the beach. Instead, I was home in Philadelphia, where the climate had already reached sub-autumnal temperatures, where not a single high school friend was in town. So, then, what did I do to occupy my time during this brief vacation? I studied. No, seriously. Stop laughing.
Yes, I was a nerd during Fall Break: I lugged my textbooks home and poured over each one as if it contained secrets of the universe. I read through every notebook twice and typed several study guides. I even drew a diagram or two. A bit excessive, perhaps, now that I think about it.
But while my level of overachievement escalated toward some echelon of infinity, my sanity plummeted. The newly learned information inundated my brain and clouded my thought processes. I was dizzy, jittery and overwhelmed. Before long, I found myself on the brink of madness. We’re talking straitjackets, people — and possibly a padded cell.
After several voyages to the verge of lunacy, I found my solution: I needed a break, a distraction — anything that would momentarily subside the midterm stress. So I put away my study tools, took a few deep breaths and switched on the television. A new episode of “The Hills” was airing on MTV.
For those of you who refuse to associate with pop culture, let me fill you in: “The Hills” is a “reality” show (cough) that follows Lauren Conrad through her adventures in Los Angeles, where she currently resides. MTV fans watch as Lauren and her friends engage in awkward dialogues, forced drama and other uncomfortable circumstances. Hmm, I smell an Emmy.
So there I was, on my couch, still burdened with anxiety about my midterm studying. Desperate for a distraction, I turned my attention to the television screen. It was a typical Hills episode: Lauren was caught in a traumatic dilemma between friends while still managing the strenuous challenges of her “job;” Audrina was being her usual artsy and mysterious self, all the while wondering why her on-again, off-again boyfriend didn’t ever call her back; and Heidi was perfecting her position of utter subordination to her dictatorial boyfriend, Spencer.
I watched intently as Lauren — by some crazy coincidence and not because of the producer’s interference at all — ended up at the same nightclub as Heidi (which is, like, totally not cool). I cringed as Spencer flaunted some pseudo-intellectual perspective about things like the shape of potato chips. I smiled when Audrina finally got that call from her love interest, who had ignored her for the previous two weeks. And when the episode ended, I got a little sad that I would have to wait a week to see the next installment of these people’s lives.
But Aunt Lauren, you say, why are you recounting the details of this entire episode? Well, kids, the strangest thing happened to me after I turned off the TV: I felt good. Relaxed. Refreshed. I picked up a textbook and opened it slowly, but to my surprise, my mind was not instantly flooded with dread. The rest of the night passed in much the same fashion: I didn’t encounter a single apprehensive thought.
And you know what, kittens? I think it was “The Hills” that saved me.
OK, let’s be honest: watching Jell-O congeal probably stimulates more brain cells than Lauren and her friends. Sure, television like that is meaningless, and some could argue it’s a waste of time. But I think differently. Sometimes, you need a distraction from reality — you need a mindless TV show, or a dumb movie with explosions and car chases, or a trashy magazine with no educational value. No, these things won’t sharpen your intellect or heighten your IQ. But did you really expect them to?
So you’re a “Hills” viewer. Or you might be a fan of “America’s Next Top Model.” Perhaps you prefer the likes of “Gossip Girl.” So what? If anything, you are smart: You realize that an hour of mind-numbing entertainment is all you need to get back on track. Getting your weekly dose of superficiality wakes you up and recharges the mental batteries. It doesn’t necessarily reflect on you as a person; it merely acts as a welcomed interruption from the real world.
So watch those shows. Go see those movies. Read those magazines. And pity the people who don’t. They have no idea what they’re missing.
Lauren’s column runs biweekly Thursdays. She can be reached at l.kimmel@cavalierdaily.com.
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