It’s the last full week of school, and as always, I feel like it came out of nowhere. With exams coming up and my schedule feeling more packed than ever, my thoughts are becoming just as scattered.
My parting words for the semester will reflect all the things I’ve learned throughout this crazy year.
First, let me start with some advice that most people should know by now. Never go home with a stranger. Yeah, everyone knows they’re not supposed to, but someone always ends up doing it anyway. I hope the following example keeps that from happening again. My roommate’s brother’s girlfriend’s friend’s friend — stay with me here — was out at a club one night and met some guy. They danced for a while, made out a little and then she wanted to go home with him. Her other friends at the club talked her out of it, so she left without him. A couple of days later, she got this strange rash on her face, neck and mouth where he had been kissing her, so she went to the doctor. The doctor just could not figure out what was wrong with her, so after researching it online, he told her that the rash was from a kind of bacteria one could only get by — get this — being a cannibal (!!!). If she had ended up going home with him, she could’ve been eaten! What more reason do you have to never go home with a stranger again?
Admittedly, after researching this exclusive cannibals-only rash for myself, I can’t really find much scientific evidence to back it up. So it might just be an urban legend, but still ... just the thought of that ever happening should keep anyone from going home with a stranger ever again!
The second thing I’ve learned this year is: Don’t ever stop yourself from saying exactly what you want to say. I write about whatever I want to in this column, despite the fact that my peers and professors may read it. They can get over it. My dad told me he had to stop forwarding the link to my more elderly relatives because the material was getting too risqué for them. I just thought they could use a good dose of excitement.
And with the presidential election last semester, I found it hard to stop myself from spouting off about my political leanings, especially to guys who tended to lean the exact opposite way. At first it would seem not to be the best way to nab a date — by calling his presidential pick a moron and all — but being passionate about something, anything, is more attractive than keeping your mouth shut. And who knows, maybe it’ll escalate into a passionate, heated, Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy sort of angry love romp.
Third important lesson is to just keep trying. Even when things seem like they can’t get any worse, don’t give up because you never know what crazy thing is going to happen next. I just met a fourth-year student who has to go back to Thailand after graduation to work, while her boyfriend stays to work in Virginia. It’s tragic, really, but they’re going to give it a shot because that’s all they can do.
And on a less serious note, I’m going to not one but two formal dinners and dances this weekend, trying again to have some sort of prom-like experience after my real life high school prom ended with the discovery that my date had a secret 26-year-old girlfriend. She helped him pick out his tux. Seriously. But here I am, putting on the same old prom dress — so happy it still fits — and going out for a second run through. Pushing through it, trying again, not giving up; it will all seem worth it at some point.
Finally, the most important thing: Without some fabulous friends to share all of the ridiculously heinous, perfectly wonderful, terribly heartbreaking stories about the first dates and initial kisses of hopeful beginnings to the last dates and final kisses of disappointing endings, none of it would be the same. With the risk of going all “Sex and the City” series finale on you, I just want to make it clear that all of my horrifying stories only become funny the morning after, when I get to recount them with my best friends over an omelet at O’Hill. They make it all worth it.
So, enjoy your summers. Do something crazy. It will make for a great story the morning after. ’Till next year!
Jordan’s columns run biweekly Mondays. She can be reached at j.hart@cavalierdaily.com.
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