When I thought about what to write for my last normal-running column, I naturally thought of my passion.
Clothes.
I mean, how great are clothes? You wear ‘em, and ...
All right, that’s pretty much all you do with them. And they’re not really a passion of mine. But few people can leave their homes in the spring at the University without seeing a variety of clothing combinations. Lots of combos. Like a Hardees menu. As the semester winds down, I felt compelled to walk you through some of the more common clothing ensembles that you might see around Grounds in the warmer months. Let’s begin:
Sundress ... and cowboy boots: A springtime favorite at the University. Girls don a brightly-colored sundress — fine — along with a pair of your garden variety wore-‘em-to-the-barn-but-let’s-also-wear-‘em-with-this-dress cowboy boots — not as fine. When you strike up a conversation with one of these girls about how great it is that she “still likes to raid her mom’s closet, snatch random crap and just play some good old-fashioned dress-up,” she might become enraged. And if she gets so irked as to yank off a boot and throw it at you, give yourself two extra “cool points” for seeing her in the calf-high gym socks she’s forced to wear underneath.
Sundress and flip flops: For the ladies not as Westernly-inclined but who still welcome the “cheaper than air conditioning” freedom of a sundress, most opt to couple said sundress with flip flops. These flops can include: the “flip-flops sold to promote my sorority’s philanthropy event, and really, what better place to advertise than right here on top of my foot where everyone will naturally look”; Rainbow brand sandals — leather flip flops that last 600 years, which is a pretty solid idea; and of course, the ornamental favorites of late, the metallic variations of gladiator sandals.
Note: I had to ask some girls what these sandals were actually called — Jack Rogers, for your information. Prior to now, I had simply referred to them as Friggin’ Fancy Flip-Flops, otherwise known as F.F.F.F.s.
Cap and Gown: Of course, the most iconic spring garment on Grounds is the cap and gown of graduation. I did not realize, however, that it was a specific cap and gown that was expected. During the weeks when fourth-year students were supposed to purchase them, I rested easy, planning on sporting my favorite Virginia ball cap and a bathrobe at commencement. I’m certain Jefferson would find no fault with a man whose “pursuit of happiness” involves terrycloth.
Tuxedo: Springtime at the University means formal season. Several weekends in April, different campus groups have charter buses at Beta Bridge around 5 p.m. to take organization members and their dates away to an elegant black-tie evening event. I witnessed the following recently:
Me to guy in a tux at Beta Bridge around 5 p.m.: Hey man.
Dude in tux at Beta Bridge at 5 p.m.: Hey.
Me: Who’re you going to formal with?
DITABBA5PM: Nobody ... yet.
Me: What?
DITABBA5PM: Yeah. On weekend nights in April when I don’t have anything to do, I just grab a tux and head to Beta Bridge around 5 p.m. Usually there are one or two girls whose dates bailed on them, or who never bothered asking anyone in the first place.
Me: Oh. What’s your success rate?
DITABBA5PM: About 60 percent.
Me: Oh.
DITABBA5PM: Word.
Formal Dress: The female counterpart to the tuxedo, University women are second to none in their abilities to pick out beautiful dresses to wear to these formal events. That being said, with each upcoming formal, girls always seem to be buying — check that — “needing” a new dress. This led me to investigate:
Me: Why do you need a new dress?
Girl: Because I have a formal coming up.
Me: What happened to all the other dresses you’ve bought for formal things in your life prior to now?
Girl: We throw them away.
So there you have it: A spring guide to fashion at an ever-fashion-conscious University. I will give those of you who have been so bored during the last two years as to have regularly read my column a proper thank you and goodbye in the upcoming Graduation Issue. Until then, I leave you with this request: If, in the pile of caps that follow the celebratory toss at Commencement, you should happen upon a dirty ‘Hoos ball cap lying on top of a discarded bathrobe, don’t hesitate to join in halfway down the Lawn for one final streak.
Austin’s column runs biweekly Tuesdays. He can be reached at a.wiles@cavalierdaily.com.
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