Most people my age look forward to New Year’s Eve because it’s a completely acceptable excuse to wear obnoxious hats and get drunk.Personally, I like the New Year because I can read Dave Barry’s “Year in Review,” which highlights the most critical issues of the past 365 days. His piece has inspired me to construct a similar time capsule featuring the news that rocked the University this year. While the rest of the world pays attention to terrorism in India, speculation about Wall Street executives using bailout money for gambling and Britney’s alleged “comeback,” here in the University bubble, there definitely are more pressing issues.
I’ll begin with August. Like previous years, throngs of new first-year students settled into dorms. Something, however, changed this year: they didn’t get to choose between Old and New dorms. I think it’ll still take time — a whole decade at least — until the stigma associated with “New Dorms” vanishes totally. Also during this month, hoodlums from the University of Southern California invaded our pristine Lawn, drinking excessively and wreaking havoc — activities foreign to us on game day. Subsequently, administration limited Lawn tailgates for the rest of the season.
While I’m on the subject of football, I guess I should recap some of the events surrounding the sport in September. Early in the month, quarterback Peter Lalich was dismissed for engaging in illegal activities. Then, we lost to Duke, which is the equivalent of losing to a youth league team with a crippled running back. The loss was an unheard warning signal to the administration to reinstate Lawn pre-games; without them, only Hoo Crew fanatics felt compelled to attend games. On a more serious note, the floundering economy led state officials to cut our funding. Maybe the charges had nothing to do with Lalich’s leaving — maybe we just couldn’t afford his five-figure scholarship anymore.
Following the tumult of September, October was pretty uneventful. The University received a cultural awakening when Jay-Z and T.I. performed at John Paul Jones Arena, teaching us that “we can have whatever we like” — whatever we like, that is, except a consistent football team.
In November, history was made when Barack Obama was elected president, much to the dismay of those Lawnies with John McCain posters plastered to their doors. We, however, framed the election differently than the rest of the nation. I think many of us, myself included, voted on the Sarah Palin versus Tina Fey issue, given that the actress is our most famous alum after Edgar Allen Poe and that has-been from “The O.C.” The following month, we were all psyched to ditch town after the underwhelming Lighting of the Lawn ceremony and the stench of Clemons during finals.
After break, we all returned in January to the school atop the “Best Value Colleges for 2009” list. Take that, Berkeley tree-huggers. That was just karma after their fellow Californians ruined our Lawn tailgating tradition, about which I obviously remain bitter.
February was a newsworthy month for the University. Elections were held, and John Nelson was named Student Council president Feb. 23. Wondering what happened to Schrimper? Word on the street is that he’s helping refugees in Darfur, becoming one of Brangelina’s nannies or getting his own reality show, “Schrimp of Love,” on VH1 in the fall. Additionally, we lost our most reliable news source when Juicy Campus was booted from the web. Alas, we will never know the “true frat rankings.” If all that wasn’t enough for the shortest month of the year, the Commerce School was named the nation’s number one undergraduate business program. Speaking from experience, this is little consolation for the all-nighters spent staring at Excel spreadsheets.
In March, basketball coach Dave Leitao resigned. Tony Bennett replaced him, accepting a contract of almost $2 million annually for five years — plus a $500,000 signing bonus. (Disregard the previous mention of alleged budget cuts).
This month, a fourth-year student was expelled for telling conflicting stories to the student moderator of his one-credit seminar, who also happened to be the incoming vice chair for investigations at the time. Debates about the integrity of the honor system have ensued. I may kill myself if I hear the word “non-triviality” uttered one more time.
I hope this homage to Dave Barry allows everyone to reflect on some of the pivotal moments of the past two semesters. I recognize, however, that the year isn’t finished. In my ideal world, April would end with a police boycott of Foxfield. Then, the lacrosse team would win NCAAs next month, giving me bragging rights over my sister who goes to Cornell. Regardless, we’ve had an interesting year thus far, which can only be topped next year if the South Lawn project is actually finished, or if graduation requirements are increased, forcing us to all stay longer in this Charlottesville utopia.
Abby’s column runs biweekly Fridays. She can be reached at a.coster@cavalierdaily.com.
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