People say that fairy tales give kids unrealistic expectations about life. These tales are often accredited with creating fantastically idealized ideas about love - in a time when they say that more than half of all marriages end in divorce - and impossible standards of beauty - in an era when even the most glamorous celebrities get plastic surgery on a monthly basis. I disagree completely with this notion. Really, I think fairy tales are pretty realistic in showing children the stupidity, and even downright creepiness, present in the real world.\nI'll start with "Snow White and the Seven Dwarves," my personal childhood favorite. (I have donned Snow White's signature - albeit clashing - yellow skirt, blue bodice, red headband ensemble not twice, but three times for Halloween.) In retrospect, I'm completely dumbfounded as to why my parents let me watch this movie, let alone dress myself up like its title character. She lived with seven little people in an isolated house in the middle of the woods. The whole plot seems like something straight out of a porn film about a girl with some fetish for especially small, bearded men. Also, Snow White is woken at the end by a prince kissing her while she's dead. There's a word for that, and it's not romance - it's necrophilia.\nSo Snow White clearly has some Gothic elements, but there are other fairy tales that just have gaping plot holes. One is "Hansel and Gretel," in which two children get lost in the woods when birds eat the bread crumbs with which they had marked their path. But why wouldn't the birds eat the witch's candy house? I'm pretty sure candy is tastier than bread - unless it's from Panera, in which case I kind of understand. Later in the story, the witch keeps Hansel and Gretel in cages while she prepares to cook them. Again, why would she eat children instead of her candy house? Whoever came up with this fairy tale clearly had their brains removed - or at least their taste buds.\n"Cinderella" is another classic that shows kids how stupid people can really be. After the ball, the prince has to try Cinderella's left-behind glass slipper on the foot of every woman in the village to unveil her identity. Why would Cinderella want to marry a man who doesn't even recognize her when she's not all dolled up? This fairy tale doesn't give girls unrealistic hopes about love at all; in fact, it prepares them for the inane men they'll inevitably date during their lives. Not to mention, it's highly unlikely that no other woman in the town would share Cinderella's shoe size. After all, she looks pretty normally proportioned.\nThen there's "Rapunzel." The most memorable scene from this fairy tale includes a prince climbing up Rapunzel's hair to reach her in a tower. Ouch. I cannot imagine that would feel too good. Also, as someone with hair just past my shoulders, I sympathize with Rapunzel - I
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