Most of the sports columns I write deal with trivial matters, but today I want to answer a very serious question I'm sure many of you have been wondering about: If the fictional sport quidditch were real, what would Virginia's best team, composed of current athletes, look like?
For the few of you who haven't read a Harry Potter book or seen one of the movie adaptations, here's the run-down: quidditch consists of seven people per team riding on flying broomsticks, trying to outscore the opposing team.
Points are awarded when one of three players, called chasers, throws a floating red ball - called a quaffle - through hoops that serve as goals. Each team has a keeper to protect the hoops.\nThere are two players per team called Beaters who protect their teammates from black, enchanted attack balls called bludgers.
Keeping up? The seventh player on each team is called the seeker. His job is to grab a wily little gold ball with wings known as the snitch that darts around like a hummingbird.
Each goal is worth 10 points, and the seeker who grabs the snitch earns his or her team 150 points. The game ends when the snitch is caught, and as in any sport, the team with the most points wins.
It's a pretty compelling idea, despite a glaring flaw in its design: the goals often end up meaning almost nothing, because the team that grabs the snitch usually ends up winning.
For fun, though, let's pretend that flaw doesn't matter, and take a good look at what sort of squad Virginia could produce. I took the time to evaluate Virginia athletes' unique talents, then chose a starting Cavalier roster.
The key assumption I'm making here is that athletes would operate on flying broomsticks the same way they do on the ground. Speedsters and jukesters on the fields, pitches and courts still have great quickness on brooms. Conversely, offensive linemen and heavyweights will remain plodding up in the air.
Without further ado, here's your starting lineup:
Keeper: Shamel Bratton, men's lacrosse, junior midfielder.
Bratton has lightning reflexes and instant acceleration. Though he lacks experience guarding a goal, it'd be a smooth transition because his sport demands that he adjust to flying objects quickly.
Chaser: Sylven Landesberg, men's basketball, sophomore guard.
Landesberg wowed basketball fans around the conference with his tremendous handles, accurate shooting and tenacious hustle. He'd score buckets of goals for the Cavaliers with improvised shots at the hoops.
Chaser: Danny Hultzen, baseball, sophomore utility.
All-American surprise star Hultzen does not only have a rocket arm to make incredible shots far from the net, but also the offensive sense and strength to be a threat every time the ball is in his hands.
Chaser: Monica Wright, womens' basketball, senior guard.
As she is currently one of the best athletes on Grounds, Wright deserves a spot on the roster. Her shooting is spot on, and she doesn't let being a female prevent her from playing physical basketball. She'd be an all-around threat, stealing the quaffle and hitting long-distance shots while orchestrating the offense. Additionally, she brings a winning attitude and great athleticism.
Beater: Chris Henrich, wrestling, 174-pound class junior.
An All-American and a force to be reckoned with, Henrich would bring the agility, toughness and strength required to excel as a Beater. Every bludger he hit would be a threat to knock an opponent off his broom.
Beater: Paige Selenski, field hockey, sophomore midfielder.
Selenski should be a smooth transition because she has experience hitting hard using bat-like objects. And she's so well-rounded and gifted as an athlete that she earned national Rookie of the Year last year.
Seeker: Tony Tchani, men's soccer, sophomore midfielder.
If you don't know why I made this pick, go join the Wahooligans for a men's soccer game at Kl
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