There's something you should know about me, readers. I'm a bit of a feminist.
Although you won't find me burning my bra in protest of unequal rights or refusing to shave my legs for months at a time, I strongly believe that the judging a person solely by the stereotypes of their gender is wrong.
And one thing that gets under my angry, radical, feminist skin - another stereotype, by the way - is the concept of chivalry: the notion that men are expected to perform certain acts in a particular way merely because they are ... well, just that, men.
The whole concept of chivalry can be traced back to medieval times, when knights were taught to treat women with honor and gallantry, so as to preserve their "feminine virtue" ... or something along those lines. But really, people, feminine virtue? I don't even know what that means, but it sounds like it involves flowers. And tutus. People of the Middle Ages were questionable, at best. Let's not forget what else dates back to the Middle Ages, people. Decapitation ... I'm just saying.
These days, however, ideas about chivalry are more modern. Men are the ones who must hold doors open for others, pay for dates and buy expensive flowers. Why are these tasks automatically assigned to the guy? And correct me if I'm wrong, but from the perspective of a woman who demands equality and respect, this seems to imply that a man performs chivalrous acts to accomplish what a woman cannot properly do for herself. Meanwhile, women are expected to care for their male counterparts - to cook, to clean, to be dainty and delicate. To hold flowers and wear tutus. Bleh.
For me, the problem is this: Just because I was born a girl does not mean I should be exempt from "manly" duties such as pulling chairs out for others or paying for a cab.
It's the modern day. Get out there and do all the things that will make your grandparents mad.
Guys, I'm not saying you shouldn't offer her your jacket if she's cold, but please know that you really don't have this obligation. And ladies, if you really want to close that pay gap, you ought not to force him to drive everywhere or make him pay for dinner every time. None of this having-cake-and-eating-it-too business, kids.
Rather than assigning particular responsibilities to each gender, I propose a new phenomenon of which you may have heard: common courtesy. I know - it sounds utterly groundbreaking and a little risky. Hold doors open for people. Say "please" and "thank you." Give compliments. Split the cab fare. Give and take.
Call it chivalry, call it good manners - politically correct or not, the purpose behind common courtesy is to show other people that you care. Behaving in a considerate manner gives this distinct impression, I promise! And little actions like these can help realign the severely skewed world of gender socialization in which we live.
So women, let him order first, walk him to the door and initiate the good-night kiss. Men, cook her dinner or let her buy you coffee - even wear a tutu now and then, if that's what you're into. And know that if you make a sincere effort to reject the gender constraints demanded by society, you will be making a Cavalier Daily Life columnist somewhere very, very proud.
Lauren's column runs biweekly Thursdays. She can be reached at l.kimmel@cavalierdaily.com.
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