As if you needed one more Internet distraction. To all you Facebookers, Myspacers, Tweeting-Twitterz, and the occasional G-mail chatter - meet your match. No, it's not a fresh social network or some newly patented way to keep everyone notified of how many showers you've taken today; this gift has been delivered in the form of a simple button whose capabilities are beyond even my thinking capacity. StumbleUpon is the name of this virtual remote control that will surf the Internet as fast as your connection will let you. But, get this: it only goes to the channels you want. So download away, select your interests (humor, extreme-sports, satire, conspiracies, military, etc.) and sit back as I take you on a free tour of five clicks on StumbleUpon.
Click One. A Web page with a stark white background opens with the heading "Random thoughts from 25-35 year olds." Initially this does not look too intriguing as I am neither twenty-five nor do I enjoy random thoughts, but I decide to give it a chance and read the first thought: "Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong." Although there are a few things that I would say suck more, let's keep reading. Thought number two: "That's enough, Nickelback." Agreed, that is enough. "There is a great need for a sarcasm font." "Answering the same letter three times or more in a row on a Scantron is absolutely petrifying." Yes and yes to thoughts three and four. Not only has this Web site brought some light to the truths of everyday life, but it did so while keeping in mind my interests - especially humor.
Stumbling has gotten off to a great start, but we must keep traveling into the uncovered domains, so stumble we go. This next one is a bit stranger. There is a small image of five commas placed before a chameleon. Huh? I'm about to just stumble out of here when an image of Boy George and the Culture Club flashes before my eyes chanting "Karma, karma, karma karma, karma Carmeleon" and it all makes sense. This is the quintessence of StumbleUpon. Even the smallest, mindless images can be the wittiest and most interesting.
Off to stumble number three and I've only burned five minutes. Looking through half of a photo album or through Ochocinco's tweets on game-day would take longer. A video of a hammer juggling construction worker starts downloading and peaks my curiosity immediately. Videos on StumbleUpon are quite common and although ones from the staple Web sites such as College Humor and FAIL.com can become slightly repetitive and annoying, the diamonds in the rough are classic. The video uploads quickly, and before you know, it I'm watching a regular-looking Joe juggle three hammers while nailing a large nail into a wooden plank directly above him without missing a beat. My description may not be doing this magic act justice, but I doubt Tim the Tool Man could hammer in a nail without even touching the hammer.
Ensuring not to dawdle and expend the limited time we have to waste, we move on to... another video. Thankfully it's not some College Humor parody on drinking; this one involves extreme sports. The video starts and before I can even read the title, a brave soul is kite-boarding in Algeria in what appears to be not-so-pleasant weather. A mere thirty seconds into the clip, after just sliding back and forth across one stretch of slope, the boarder is swept into the air by some magnificent gust as the cameraman struggles to keep his friend in focus. What must have been hundreds of feet in the air, the daredevil becomes dust among the snowflakes narrowly missing jagged peaks and crevices. By some grace of whomever he prays to, he is brought down fairly safely on an embankment where he shows sign of life. Glancing up at the title, I see "Why I will never go kite-boarding." Precisely.
The next stumble takes us to passiveaggressivenotes.com. This is a relatively funny Web site whose images of everyday satirical notes often strike a chord on more than one funny bone. The image showcased today is one of a school bulletin board with a Vegan Support Group advertisement chock full of information, e-mail addresses and meeting times. In an apt juxtaposition, a flyer with the same design coloring and schematics was posted next to this with the title "Carnivore?" This is followed by: "Chances are you don't need some wimpy support group. Keep being awesome!" Score one for the meat eaters.
Whether you want some downtime after you just finished your assignment, need a study break (or don't even want to start), there is no better solution to procrastination than this. Your finger is the limit, so as long as it's still working, keep clicking. You never know what you'll stumble upon.
Bobby Laverty is an Opinion Editor for The Cavalier Daily. He can be reached at b.laverty@cavalierdaily.com.
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