With the recent release of the Spring 2010 SOC (R.I.P. COD), it's about that time to start looking for potential easy As and professors that don't have negative numbers on RateMyProfessors.com. In an interesting twist of fate, The Cav Daily snagged a list of new, unpublished classes that are sure to turn a few heads.
CULI 2040: Bland Revelations from a Mediocre Line Cook
Ever wanted to learn how to cook? But not well, and with little effort? Here's the class for you! Brand new to College students this upcoming semester comes the probably-regrettable opportunity to take a three-credit culinary arts course with Newcomb Hall's own Rodney Jenkins. A 15-year veteran of the Barracks Road Kroger, Jenkins only recently decided to stop shelving food and start cooking it. Now, he's ready to spread some of his barely-present enthusiasm onto his pupils.
"I'm guessing these kids are capable of making mass-produced food that not everyone will enjoy ... Heck, they might even teach me some stuff," Jenkins said while trying to distinguish between an apple and a red onion.
Students will not only have the opportunity to recreate such Newcomb classics as overdone meatloaf, soggy French fries and cake-that-looks-like-it-was-made-two-months-ago, but also to clean, mop, dust, buffer and exterminate the kitchens - and Rodney's car. Prior to the start of the class, however, it is recommended that participants be up to date with their tetanus shots, as handling rusty knives can at times be dangerous.
PHYE 3200: Running with the Bulls
Sure to test even the most talented athlete's endurance, this newest addition to a long line of Physical Education courses brings Pamplona in the summertime directly to Charlottesville in the spring. Dusty, barren flatlands on the outskirts of Grounds provide the perfect setting for man and provoked, frothing-at-the-mouth bulls to frolic together, unchained from the forces of society! The cardiovascular exercise is not for the weak of heart - no pun intended! Looking backwards into the dark, dead, fearsome eyes of a rapidly charging 1,800-pound creature hellbent on piercing your left butt cheek with a massive horn can certainly get your blood ... well, running!
PSED 1500: Introduction to Astrology and Other Dusty, Useless Arts
One of the offerings from the newly-created Pseudoscience department is this gem of a class, in which students will tackle a wide range of trivial topics, from telepathy to stargazing - and even medieval alchemy! The introductory lecture is a mix of both history and hands-on, in spite of the utter, undeniable futility of everything that is covered. Students will review findings such as those from the fifth century, when Athens' Bernard the Tumultuous attempted to predict the apocalypse through dissecting aardvark spines. They also will create their own decks of tarot cards and calligraphy scrolls, sure to be hits with gullible friends and brain-dead relatives. Additionally, by the end of the course, each individual will be proficient in the art of interpreting wide varieties of horoscopes and fortune cookies. Students interested in the course should also look into a second PSED class on the docket for next semester: Decoding Urbandictionary, in which students will boil down the exact science of scoring a definition on the legendary Web site.
SOC 4710: Logology
If the sociological breakdown of status symbols piques your interest, be sure to sign up for this riveting class before space runs out! Burning to know how to look more Kappa? Wondering about the percentage of approving stares one gets when sporting a pink Polo shirt versus its yellow Lacoste counterpart? Just itching to find out theories about what Sevens and Imps wear to avoid being outed to the peasant masses? Everything will be revealed in this upper-level course, open to all majors and social ranks. One-credit discussion class optional to discuss the latest CollegeACB gossip.
GNUR 5620 Nursing Yourself Back to Health
In this new intensive-yet-inventive course, students will, on the first day of class, blindly pick a random debilitating injury or illness to inflict upon themselves. From there, they are required to work their way back to perfect health by the end of the semester - just to snag that A! Facing a Russian roulette of tantalizing options - which include being put into a coma, injecting oneself with H1N1 and chopping off a foot - the excitement and white blood cell count is sure to rise! Please note that failure to attend class and/or death will both result in an Incomplete.
COMM 3908: You Know You're Going to Get an A in this Class
Come on, admit it. You know you're going to get an A in this class. You've worked your butt off so far in Commerce School and you've done great. Pat yourself on the back. Hell, you worked your butt off to get into the school in the first place, rising above the masses who would lick your foot to be where you are now. All those spineless, pathetic, liberal arts cretins who will be getting your coffee in a few years. Yeah, you know the type, as you sit in class, narrowing your eyes, staring out the window and daydreaming about a New York high rise, with the hot wife and two kids and dinner waiting at home. The Porsche, the private jet, the gold-plated golf cart, the koi pond, the porcelain verneers, the ... Damn it, my life sucks.
David's column runs biweekly Fridays. He can be reached at d.replogle@cavalierdaily.com.
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