The Tankini, basketball jersey, lax penny, wife beater, cutoff, and muscle shirt - all played critical roles in the revolution that is the sleeveless t-shirt. Few fashion trends have had such a lifespan, and with weight room memberships spiking up higher than the hair on DJ Pauly D, it doesn't look like they will be making an exit anytime soon. But change, as spoken so repetitively by our President Barack Obama, "will not come if we wait for some other person, some other time." A year after his election, the time has come. That is why I am calling on our first female, sleeve-wearing president-elect Teresa A. Sullivan to strike while the dumbbells are hot and outlaw such attire.
What was first adapted for women's swimwear in the early 20th century, sleeveless tank top bathing suits took the stage for females to preserve wholesome values while remaining buoyant swimming laps in the pool. However, these tops were radically transformed over the century and slowly lost more and more fabric until they became thrown away altogether, as can be seen on MTV's Spring Break specials. The slippery slope that resulted from the wearing or rather not wearing of sleeves has become downright unethical.
Males like myself are not immune and cannot ignore these consequences. This phenomenon first hit our wardrobes in the form of athletic sports jerseys to provide more range of motion for an unhindered hook shot or a flawless cradle that would otherwise be prevented by the friction of sleeves. They proved to be extremely practical on such athletic arenas, but when chiseled athletes would leave their respective playing fields, the uniforms stuck and were seemingly unable to be taken off. In the mall, on the streets, at your local gym - there was no escaping it. It is almost as if Virginia expired everyone's concealed weapon permits and forced all guns to be "openly carried." This is a University security risk to say the least. Depending on the vein count, one gun could be a curl away from spraying off a few rounds. Urgency is urged.
I feel there is no one who would agree more than Sullivan on the matter. Talk about leading by example. I can find no picture of our new president wearing anything less than a long sleeve. Citing "enhancing international outreach and reputation" as her seventh-highest priority on the UVAToday released bullet-point list, Sullivan undoubtedly recognizes the cultural impact this would have on international perception. It's bad enough that Nadal gets to play Wimbledon without sleeves, but to class? "Who are these buffoons?" Europeans must sneer to themselves while watching Schools on Demand on the telly. Beyond checking one bullet point off her list, Sullivan must also realize that this issue lies right at home with her values acquired during the extensive period of time spent at the University of Texas, Austin.
No state holds the Second Amendment more reverently than Texas, and during her 27 years clocked in the heart, she undeniably learned her way around a .44 Magnum. In a state where the concealed weapons permit remains to be one of the most stringent and widely enforced of the gun laws, Sullivan must acknowledge the brawny need to start concealing those being carried publicly at the University. Student and professor morale will rise to pre-recession highs and the research suggests the same could be said for alumni donations (checking off bullet-point three). Gymnasiums could use new budget cuts to eliminate 25 percent of the sterilizing wipes provided free-of-charge as well. Sleeves would cover up unwanted body odors and provide less available surface area on the typical meathead's body to contaminate equipment.
But not all of this responsibility should rest on the already-heavy shoulders of our president-elect. Sleeveless shirt wearers should be cognizant of the negative attention and outcry they receive whether it is behind their backs or in a Cavalier Daily column. When one is spotted wearing a sleeveless t-shirt (if filled out correctly), emotions ranging from jealously to self-consciousness are typically evoked and when caused simultaneously hate is the deadly result. Smaller and less-jacked beings ponder whether they should run out to GNC and begin some supplement rotation that even Arnold would frown upon. So whether you enjoy being hated or have yet to be aware of this just realize if you're shedding sleeves to gain confidence, it may not be working exactly to plan. But if they must stay off and there's no hope for myself or Sullivan, we must demand that only when the sun's out do the guns come out.
Bobby Laverty is an Opinion Editor for The Cavalier Daily. He can be reached at b.laverty@cavalierdaily.com.
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