In the world of cell phones, Facebook, Twitter, text messaging and other superficial networking, building deep personal relationships becomes particularly important because relationships not only preserve our humanity but also help us succeed in life.
Closely observe others when you walk across Grounds. Chances are, about 40 percent of people will be on cell phones; 30 percent, on their iPods; 15 percent, looking straight and pretending you do not exist; 10 percent, staring at the ground. Only a meager 5 percent will smile and greet. This simple observation reflects an increasing apathy at the University.
I wrote an earlier column, i-Procrastinating, that many college students are too bombarded with the Internet, cell phones and other "neon gods we made." Consequently, we are less attuned to appreciate real people around us. We have become numb to our classmates and professors. The person passes by us in front of the Rotunda is just "Student 1,819" out of the 14,000 student population. It is small wonder that many of our relationships are rather shallow.
Life was different back in the days when individuals like Prof. Larry Sabato and University Historian Sandy Gilliam graced the Grounds as undergraduates. Many established professors, including Echols Scholar Dean Bill Wilson, informed me that people at the University used to greet each other when walking. They would scarcely pass by another person without smiling. We can reinvent the sense of community if people show more compassion and build personal relationships. A more congenial environment will improve the student experience, making the University an even more desirable place to study.
Looking back as a fourth-year, the classes that I excelled at tend to be the ones where I developed strong personal relationships with both the professors and the students. By talking with teachers privately and discussing with my peers, I reached a better understanding of the materials and therefore performed well on exams and papers. The interactive experience also cultivated within me a stronger interest for the subject so that learning was no longer a chore.
Knowing how to build relationships also has the additional consequence of benefiting students' careers. In the spring of 2008, the Jefferson Society hosted William "Bill" Richards as a speaker. Bill is one of the most dynamic financiers on Wall Street, and currently serves as a senior Managing Director at UBS. In 1983, Bill met and became close friends with the legendary investor Julian Robertson. Today, Bill handles client relationships for UBS with the world's largest hedge funds, including 105 Tiger Cubs that collectively manage $125 billion. Bill believes that his ability to cultivate relationships directly benefited his career. As an example of Bill's attention to the human touch, when he was a securities salesman in the 70's, he would always ask to meet with his clients face-to-face, even for five minutes. In the middle of his speech, Bill asked the audience if we handwrote letters. I remember vividly that no hands rose. So I handwrote him a letter right after his talk. Bill called me a couple of weeks later. Since then, I developed a strong friendship with Bill.
Because of this relationship, I was able to obtain a summer internship with UBS following my third-year in 2009 when such opportunities became rare as the financial crisis escalated. Although not returning to the company, I learned many skills from Bill and UBS. Eventually, I signed a full-time banking position with Jefferies & Company in New York.
I have found much joy and reaped many unforeseen benefits both at work and at the University by having strong relationships. But exactly how can you connect with people at a deeper level? Here are some insights that I gained over my four years at the University.
Foremost, you have to love people. Many people nowadays emphasis "networking," a word that has a strong self-serving connotation. People will know immediately whether you treat them as tools for personal advance or as human beings. When you give people due respect, and love them as you love yourself, business comes naturally. One of my close friends is third-year College student Daniel Garner. A successful entrepreneur, Danny owns a profitable photography business, "Frozen Glory Photography." Danny told me clients enjoy working with him because he treats them as friends first, customers second.
We must also have humility and cultivate curiosity. Confucius once said in Analects "when I randomly encounter three people, one of them can be my teacher." Everyone has something to offer, regardless of his socioeconomic status. We need to be humble because we always have something to learn from others. This teaching also reveals the importance of having curiosity in life . Only if you are curious, will you consider everyone a potential teacher. Thus, asking personalized and thoughtful follow-up questions during interactions is a great way to deepen relationships. The conversations that end awkwardly tend to be the ones where neither party cares to pay attention to what the other person is saying. Therefore, asking follow-up questions not only shows that you care about what people say, but also encourages people to keep conversations flowing.
Mr. Jefferson designed the Academical Village to encourage the formation of meaningful relationships among students and professors. Let us preserve this vision.\nNext time you walk on Grounds, why not smile more?
Paul Chen's column appears Thursdays. He can be reached at p.chen@cavalierdaily.com.
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