To anyone else, walking to class may simply involve placing one foot in front of the other. To me, it's a fight for my life against the University's deadliest and most terrifying creatures. No, I'm not talking about a group of Sperry-fied frat bros. I'm not talking about angry U.Va. football fans either. This is something significantly more frightening: the squirrels.
Ever since my arrival on Grounds two years ago, I have been walking in constant awareness of my arguably ridiculous fear of squirrels. Give me a chance before you judge too harshly, though. When I first came here, it seemed like everywhere I looked, there was a squirrel. But it wasn't just that. It was like they were all strung out on a lot of caffeine or something. I mean, I couldn't believe how seriously skittish the tiny things were.
At this same time, I started hearing all these horror stories about insane squirrel attacks. It seemed like everyone knew some friend of a brother's girlfriend who went to U.Va. and got unexpectedly and violently ambushed by a rabid squirrel. I could feel the fear bubbling inside of me. Was I going to be next? And thus I developed a fear of the University's squirrels.
Suddenly my life had become all the more complicated. I literally could not walk to class without constantly keeping an eye out for squirrels. Knowing that they were always around kept me on the defensive. Even walking to class became a strategic battle against one of my most desperate fears. I set safety precautions for myself. Walk in heavy groups of people - the little deathtraps are very jittery and easily scared off. Be aware of the number of nuts around; the nut-to-squirrel ratio is constant. And most important, always be prepared. You never know when they're going to come out and bite you in the bum or fall on top of your head in a vicious rampage. Preparation is key, my friends.
All right, I know what you're thinking. This girl is crazy. She has got to be kidding. Guess what, I'm not. Nor am I exaggerating. Ask any of my closest friends. In fact, ask anyone who has ever walked with me anywhere around here. They know I mean business. One time last year, a good friend of mine and I went to get dumplings on the Corner. As we started heading back toward Newcomb Hall, trouble presented itself in the form of a tiny furry fiend. We were just about to reach the Rotunda, expecting to go walk the path past the Chapel and Peabody Hall when ... There it was, evil in its most sadistic form. A squirrel was directly blocking the closest route back to our destination. I stopped. Naturally, my friend rolled her eyes and said, "Are you serious?" I nodded. So what did we do? We walked up the Rotunda steps and through the Lawn to get back to Newcomb. Yes, we took the long way home because that malevolent beast refused to move. Evil, I tell you.
There was another time more recently when I was on a 15-minute break from work and was feeling pretty hungry, so I decided to go to the Fine Arts Caf
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