In light of the death of Yeardley Love last spring, relationship abuse has become a pressing issue at the University. The incident has caused many to reflect on their own relationships and also those of their friends. On Grounds, The University's Women's Center has become a place where students can address these concerns.
"When so many students came here after Yeardley Love's death, they became a steadfast community to hold each other whole, amidst the pain and fear and anger and bewilderment and grief," said Sharon Davie, director of the Women's Center.
The Center participated in the Day of Dialogue in September and has offered workshops that focus on prevention, risk reduction and awareness. Its newest project, a group discussion called "Walking on Eggshells: When Your Relationship Just Doesn't Feel Right," began yesterday and will run through March 16. The group will be led by Trauma Services Counselor Margaret Edwards and Director of Counseling Services Charlotte Chapman. It is open to all female students who want to discuss relationship problems in a confidential, supportive environment.
To combat sexual violence, the Center also offers valuable resources including Rape Aggression Defense - a self-defense class and awareness workshop that deals with everything from stalking to sexual assault. In addition, the Women's Center works closely with Counseling and Psychological Services and the Office of the Dean of Students to support victims of abuse.
"We provide advocacy during sexual assault board hearings, and sponsor educational programs and speakers to increase our community's knowledge and understanding of these issues," Chapman said.
The Women's Center offers a variety of counseling options, including individual and group sessions. It also offers important information for helping friends in sexually abusive relationships.\n"It can be hard to get involved, and sometimes it can elicit a defensive response rather than a 'thank you,'" Edwards said. "One way to go about it is to use 'I' statements, such as: 'I'm concerned'...'I'm wondering if I can be of help in some way,'"
The Center also assists students in finding help from Charlottesville's legal resources such as the police, the magistrate and the commonwealth's attorney, Edwards said.
"First, we discuss safety concerns because safety, in addition to helping students succeed academically, is our first goal," Chapman said. "Without emotional and physical safety, dreams can become derailed, and change is very difficult. We then help the client identify their goals for the relationship and options for how to meet their goals."
If counselors determine that a student is in imminent danger, they will even work to find that student safer housing.
Edwards emphasized that students need to recognize that "intimate partner violence is not just something that happens to someone else. It can happen to anyone, whether rich, poor, educated, uneducated, male or female, gay or straight."
Not all patterns of abuse are physical. In fact, most are emotional - including using degrading names, diminishing one's sense of self-worth and threatening - and occur on a daily basis. Victims often mistakenly think that they are not being abused because they are not physically hit, Edwards said.
For those who have tried to reach out to a friend in need and failed, Edwards reassures them not to be discouraged if it takes several tries.
"If you know someone is in trouble," she said, "it is important to instill both a sense of hope as well as support for change"
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