The nature of a column is inherently self-centered. A columnist writes about herself because that's what she knows best. A columnist writes in first person because she is always talking about herself, even when she's talking about everyone else.
Did you see what I did there? I pushed you away from me by writing in the third person. Didn't you feel scared and alone without the "me"s and "I"s that define "my" words? Now I'm letting you back in, letting you hear my voice so that this paper you're holding makes just a little more sense. Without the "Connelly" of Connelly's thoughts you'd be reading a string of meaningless sentences.
Or would you? Why does my first person well-informed and eloquent voice imbue everything I say with meaning? Because I know what I'm talking about. No one else could write my story like I can. A biographer has nothing on an autobiographer. When I write my memoir one day - look for it on the shelves very near the fiction section - I will sign it with a kind of honor pledge: "I have neither given nor received aid in writing about my life."
And while this column is flexible and my writing is informal, I think I can still lay out some arguments for you as if I were writing an essay on Faulkner. My points will not be that I use inverted free indirect discourse, colloquial dialogue and varied syntax to create my life. Rather I will argue there is difference between truth and fact; if we don't start creating our lives as soon as possible we will never get started, and boring is as boring does.
How do you know what I tell you is true? I hope you can answer: "Because I feel it!" That's how I distinguish truth from lies; I feel what words and actions mean and accept them as being sincere or strained. Facts have something to do with truth, but I don't believe they are the most important aspect of a true story. I have very good friends who tell very good stories because they embellish almost every twist and turn in their adventures. The facts are skewed and perhaps completely made up, but I know that they had fun, they were scared, they learned something. I get a sense of the truth of what they're saying. Embellishing a story is different from lying to someone to get out of something. There's no truth in creating a story that hurts someone else. I would never lie to you, but I may embellish what I say so that you can laugh a little harder or cry a little longer. English major lesson No. 1: look up "unreliable narrator."
People who are concerned with their lives 10 years from now do not interest me, for they are not creating "lives" but simply career goals. I know I live in the luxurious bubble of denial which is composed of lack of motivation and lack of skills in any area which could be considered "lucrative." I also know I see a lot of unhappy people every day. They've created their lives through "leadership positions" and "resume building workshops" and "meetings" (with some obscure group I don't care enough to inquire about); they are quick to define themselves by what they do rather than by who they are. And I know that "they" could be the "you" I like to vaguely refer to. Stop signing up for stuff! Start writing about yourself! I'm not just saying this because writing is "what I do" but because writing makes me feel good. It might even make an engineer feel good. Sit down and self-actualize for a bit. Instead of snapping pictures of everything you've created why don't you reflect on your creations? They might start meaning a lot more. And if they don't mean anything at all, then maybe writing them out wasn't such a bad idea after all.
There are only two good reasons to climb some really tall mountain: it's on your "bucket list" and you're near the end of the list, or you're having a mid-life (which can happen in any decade of your life) crisis. Don't climb it so you can take a cute picture at the top of it. Don't climb it because you "like hiking." Go hiking! Tell me a story about hiking. If you really do have a passion for "the outdoors," it will be apparent in the words you use to describe your experiences there. If your story is boring, even if your eyes don't light up, then perhaps you need to admit to yourself that your passions lie elsewhere. No one writes a really great memoir about all the cool stuff they did. They tell really great stories and if they happen to be about "cool stuff" then that's just the icing on the cake.
Only a self-absorbed, self-righteous columnist would tell her audience how to live their lives. But I'm not that, I'm Connelly. And what I tell you is true.
Connelly's column runs biweekly Tuesdays. She can be reached at c.hardaway@cavalierdaily.com.
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