"NICE GUYS finish last." Even though most of us have been stung by this idiom from an overly competitive coach, parent or friend many times before, is there actually any validity to this notion? And what does "finishing last" even mean?
In sports, "finishing last" is pretty simple: Either your boat crosses the finish line before the other crew's or it does not. Yet pop culture and media extend the meaning of this phrase to imply much more. If left unanalyzed, this broader meaning could affect your behavior in unintended ways.
A common interpretation of finishing last relates to the pursuit of careers, or more generally, wealth. This expands the idea of "nice guys" to mean men who make the conscious decision to put others before themselves and, as a result, occasionally finish last. What this translation implies is that for a man to be financially successful, he must exhibit the same aggression in the workplace as a competitive sprinter shows during a race.
Pop culture surrounds us with this way of thinking. I will not even try to name all of the pop songs that feature the narrative of a typical "nice guy" being dwarfed in terms of talent, sex appeal or wealth by the more assertive protagonist.
If you are familiar with the ABC show, "Modern Family," you will know about this phenomenon. There are many points where Phil, the "nice-guy" father of the Dunphy family, butts heads with his "no-nonsense" father-in-law, Jay, about various family affairs.
What this program blatantly conveys to the audience is that being more assertive will bring you more success. The father-in-law has married a remarkably attractive woman, has a large home and seems to purchase a new Mercedes-Benz every other show. Unfailingly, Jay's most prominent trait is being a "hard-ass."
Moreover, researchers from Cornell University, the University of Notre Dame and the University of Western Ontario have discovered an inverse correlation between a worker's agreeableness and his earnings. Twenty years worth of data and more than 10,000 respondents produced results which concluded "that agreeableness is negatively related to income and earnings."
Yet my mother has always taught me the traditional idea that it is necessary to show love for others and that harm or defeat should never be wished upon them. She says God gives happiness and joy to those who please Him, and curses with vanity those who sin by chasing wealth.
As University students currently desiring academic, social and economic success, the question therefore remains: Do we change our behavior to be like the aggressive jerk who always seems to be on top? To answer that question, it is crucial to define what "finishing first" means for you.
In our community of trust, we must distinguish between being overly confident and breaking rules. The aforementioned researchers did not find any indication that "less agreeable" individuals have a lower standard of integrity. Thus, it is not necessarily immoral to behave more aggressively so long as one follows the rules.
Just as there are no set binary rules for being a so-called "nice guy," there are obviously varying degrees of assertiveness. If you are unsure of what level suits you best, you could set up an experiment where you consciously make an effort to vary your level of assertiveness and note how your friends, family or peers respond.
As Dale Carnegie, author of "How to Win Friends and Influence People," tactfully writes, "Success is getting what you want. Happiness is wanting what you get."
Andrew Kouri is a Viewpoint writer for The Cavalier Daily.
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