It was bound to happen. Leaving the comforts of high school and our parents to enter the world was going to elicit change. It makes sense that the meanings of certain words will change during a new phase in life. For instance, who among us still recalls the pixilated Atari game when a classmate references his or her weekend success in a "pong tournament"?
However, there is one word whose implication is not so easily adjusted. Maybe it's because the term seemed to be an impenetrable refuge for 18 years - a notion which could never possibly change. That word is "home."
I remember seeing my parents pull up to my dorm parking lot during my first year at the University. I recall the joy I felt at returning home - home where I had spent all of my life, home where my parents and family still reside. Home was a place which, despite months of living in Charlottesville, still represented my life.
During my first return visit to Gate City, my small hometown in Southwest Virginia, I could feel the difference. Once-familiar people seemed a tad distant and navigating the simple roads took a bit of thought. I even asked, "how long has that huge mountain been there?" while gazing down a hill at my high school.
I returned quickly to my old habits and spent my first night home in the same way everyone else in my town always had - at the Gate City High School football game. Surrounded by my closest friends from high school, I remember feeling just a bit uncomfortable. It made sense, as we had all been apart for a few months. There were so many aspects of our new lives to describe to one another that I assumed the feeling would quickly be replaced by the familiarity of high school.
I was sure I would feel right back at home in Southwest Virginia after just a few days, but I soon discovered I was wrong.
Only months before, I had trouble imagining life anywhere else. Charlottesville seemed like a metropolis compared to where I came from and I found it difficult to believe I could ever fully feel comfortable here at the University. Suddenly, everything had changed. I couldn't quite put my finger on it, but I didn't feel completely comfortable even in my own bedroom.
During my second year, the tension between my lives in Charlottesville and Gate City only grew. It seemed that during class, all I could think of was my family and friends back in the mountains. However, once I found myself at home, my only wish was to return to my routine and life at the University. It's enough to drive a man mad.
I don't remember the point when "best friends" became "friends from high school," but it must have been somewhere during this time that Charlottesville took a special place in my heart.
I was reminded last week that at some point during my time at the University, I had crossed an important line.
My bags were packed and I was just hitting the road for my five-hour journey up Interstate 81 to Charlottesville. I wanted to be sure I was back in time to get a good night's sleep before what was sure to be a riveting football game between the Wahoos and the Hokies. I decided to call my roommate to let her know when I planned on getting back.
"I'll be home in five hours," I told her. Home. I was so comfortable with the phrase that it took a moment for me to realize what I had said. Wasn't I leaving home? How could I simultaneously be leaving and returning home?
The question has burned in my mind and I still haven't found a way to relieve the tension, but I am encouraged that I am not alone. After discussions with many of my friends, it seems that we are all somewhat confused about just where our home is, though few will belabor the issue quite like I do.
They say "home is where the heart is," and I have to agree. There are certain aspects of my hometown which I will carry with me throughout my life. The small-town familiarity with each passerby is certainly something I miss as I walk among the thousands of students at the University.
Charlottesville is special in its own right, however. The people I've come to know in this place are beyond comparison and my experience is second-to-none. I've been able to establish a steady routine, solid friendships and secure prospects for my future.
Now in my fourth year, when the future seems right around the corner, it's hard to pin down just where home is or may be in just a few months. One thing I am sure of is that I will continue to expand my understanding of home, no matter where I end up after my time at the University. Strangers will become friends, new places will become personal landmarks and simple activities will become traditions. The initial unfamiliarity of a new environment will give way to comfort and stability.
It's confusing and terrifying sometimes. But, to be honest, I can't wait.
Tyler's column runs biweekly Wednesdays. He can be reached at t.deboard@cavalierdaily.com.
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