I am not a fan of endings. And, here, there's no disguising it: Final Exercises, or, in layman's terms, graduation is right around the corner and, for me, an end to seven years of higher education. I find myself at a loss, not least because I can't completely explain my trepidation.
Unlike some of my compatriots, for me our upcoming graduation represents a massive shift in lifestyle. Prior to this point, "graduation" has meant merely crossing over into successively more refined iterations of school, each more demanding - if more liberating - than the last. But now, I will have to see how my superficial knowledge of classics and case law will help me in navigating life outside of an academic institution. The real world is something which I have only fitfully experienced in the form of summer jobs and internships, and is something for which I am unsure I am ready.
Even more jarring is the simple fact that I no longer can think of anything which separates me from calling myself an adult. Little things, such as drinking alcohol or renting a car, are no longer barred to me solely on the basis of age - though, as law school has taught me, combining the aforementioned activities is frowned upon in some circles.
Perhaps my apprehension isn't solely fear of becoming a grown-up, but of leaving a place where I've become so comfortable. We all invest so much time in carving out our own special niche at the University - e.g. the jock, the student body president, the academic all-star - that it can be nerve-wracking to leave it all behind. And now, not only do I face the prospect of redefining myself in a new, foreign environment, but of doing so in an environment which lacks the basic familiarity living in an academic setting offers.
You might ask, why redefine yourself? After all, is there any reason why the mere act of entering the real world should cause redefinition? I think this is inevitable to at least some degree. Every time you enter a new social environment, your position is somewhat dependent on the personalities of others. For example, even if I may be known as the cautious one in my own circle of friends, it's very unlikely that I will be considered the careful one in the highly risk-averse environment of a large law firm. I don't suggest that individuals should consciously try to alter their personality, but change is inevitable, and for me, a little worrying.
Honestly, I'm not trying to paint an overly rosy picture of my experiences in law school. Obviously, I will miss some of the more sophomoric activities which law school, and college before that, gave me license to engage in. Yet to say my time at the University has been smooth sailing would be far from the truth. The past three years have been among the most challenging I have ever faced, and not just in terms of academic rigor. But for all the tumult and difficult times, I don't know that I would trade that experience.
I am sure in that assessment, I am not alone, We have all had to face a storm or two while here at the University. Some of us have landed at the destinations we set out for while others have found themselves blown to new shores by the winds of higher education. We've had to face real decisions from career choices to personal life. Perhaps that is one of the great things about the University; while we may be challenged, buffeted by the storms of arduous academics, we ultimately have the support of an institution committed to seeing us through to the end. Even if it's difficult to say what I've learned from them, the travails of the past three years will give me some perspective with which to face - or at least compare - future difficulties.
One aspect of University culture which I've never fully understood is Jefferson's wish to refer to students as "first years," "second years" and so on. While I've heard the old rationale - Jefferson's belief that learning is a never ending process - I've never really begun to grasp the truth of that simple concept, until now, while on the cusp of my final graduation. In truth, it is only now that I really begin to understand Jefferson's conception of learning as being boundless, and unlimited by the classroom.
As with so many other stages of life, it's difficult to succinctly say what I've learned from law school. Of course, I am a different person than the starry-eyed, sweater-vested individual who scurried onto Grounds three years ago, but it's tough to say just how. And I imagine a similar metamorphosis has struck most of us while weaving through higher education; somewhere amid the exams and assignments we've all begun to grow up.
For all my uncertainty, I suppose the one thing I can assuredly state about my time at the University is that I emerge with a greater understanding of myself. And for me, that is enough. As I join the ranks of graduates marching down the Lawn, I know that I will treasure the time I have spent here, long after I have bid the University itself farewell.
Sanjiv Tata's column appears Mondays in The Cavalier Daily. He can be reached at s.tata@cavalierdaily.com.
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