Thanksgiving is so close I can almost smell my mom’s garlic mashed potatoes and gravy steaming on the stove. I just got so hungry I’m having trouble focusing now. I am seven days and one teeny tiny eight-page paper away from the feast of the year, snuggle time with my little sister and, of course, five glorious nights in my dreamy, spacious queen-sized bed. And if the withering, sleep-deprived students sulking around Grounds are any indication, you all are as ready as I am. But with the literal cornucopia of deliciousness and much-needed respite comes the stimulating family conversation we’re all — or should be — bracing ourselves for. Here are my top topics you should avoid at all costs to keep the peace around your turkey this year.
Do I even need to say it? Whether you’ll be giving thanks that Obama’s back in office again or rejoicing that these next four years will be his last, bringing up the election and the political nonsense that came with it is essentially asking for a carving knife stabbing incident. In my family some of my (well-loved, well-respected) elders vehemently believe that our newly re-elected president is a gift from Satan plotting to tear our country to shreds bit by bit — and they have the chain emails to prove it. I’m so against talking about the elections I’m going to openly make a no-talking-about-politics-over-dinner rule. It’s simpler that way.
Second, you’ve been absent from home, thriving away in the mystery land of college for a little more than 12 weeks. Even if you did go home during fall break chances are you didn’t see a lot of the relatives who’ll be joining you for Thanksgiving, and they will be very excited to hear about what you’ve been up to. Start thinking now.
Subjects to avoid at all cost: What you do “for fun” on the weekends, Halloween, your costume, or lack thereof, streaking the Lawn or any other potentially embarrassing activities loving relatives may somehow innocently stumble upon. I personally will be wearing my hair down 24/7 to cover my new cartilage piercing. Clearly I didn’t think that one through timing-wise. Regardless, be aware of whatever it is you don’t want to get into, and stay two steps ahead of the rest of the conversation to ensure you’re ready to deflect when the time comes. Not so innocently, my own mother called me out on streaking the Lawn last year. I’m sure you can imagine that my ultra-conservative relatives were very proud and not at all horrified at the soulless monster I’d become.
Finally, there are just some things families never agree upon. For example, this is not the time for me to brag to my family about how overjoyed I am not to be going to school at the closest place to heaven on earth, the oh so divine University of Notre Dame. Honestly, I never sent in my application. There are some topics that are inevitably going to come up that will tick you off and make you squirm in your seat. Not going to Notre Dame is mine. This break is too short to waste my time defending the academic legitimacy of my school so this year, for the first time, I’m just going to ignore any Notre-Dame-related hints.
I realize I just spent the last 500 words or so ranting about my family, so please don’t get me wrong: I love them to the ends of the earth and I miss them to an unhealthy degree when I’m at school. My point is simple: Thanksgiving is a rare chance to be around the ones you’ve been missing all year long. It’s simply not worth wasting time on petty arguments because, ultimately, blood is thicker than water.
Anne-Marie’s column runs biweekly. She can be reached at a.albracht@cavalierdaily.com.
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