When I sat down to write a column this week on the Virginia football team, I came to the realization that everything that there is to say about the team has already been said. In fact, it’s been said many times.
Week in and week out, our team treats us to the same performance, and we sportswriters treat you, the audience, to the same coverage. The season is not even over, but it looks to be — what a surprise, more of the same.
Sportswriting can take up a lot of time that many of us just don’t have — midterms, am I right? So, to give everyone a break, I have created the Virginia football version of MadLibs, and I believe it will suffice quite nicely for the reason of the season — fill in the italics and it’s done!
Fellow sportswriters, this one’s for you.
Virginia football MadLibs:
The Virginia football team awoke Saturday morning motivated, optimistic and ready to improve on the mistakes it made the week before against (team that beat us last week). But the day would soon turn the players and fans alike to sniveling balls of (anguish/despair/misery), the hallmark of the 2013 season.
Despite a few moments of brilliance from the Cavaliers, the hated (ACC rival of the week) would quash Virginia’s attempt to win its first conference game, a must-win for the (number below 38,000) fans that made the trek to Scott Stadium.
Defensive coordinator Jon Tenuta’s defense made a valiant effort, holding the (opponent nickname) to (if it’s UNC, 200, but if it’s Miami, 540) yards. But the team’s reliance on the defensive unit has been taxing, and signs of its wear and tear showed. Multiple occasions saw the (opponent)’s offense held to third-and-(number greater than 15), but the Cavaliers could not capitalize. The (opponent) managed to convert the opportunity, and sophomore quarterback David Watford and the offense remained on the bench as the Virginia defense continued to receive a beating.
Of course, the defense alone cannot be held responsible. The Virginia offense stalled out on its opening drive, and was continually (ineffective/abysmal/inept) at the worst possible moments. Junior running back Kevin Parks, freshman running back Taquan Mizzell and Watford led a mere shadow of the powerful ground attack that coach Mike London and offensive coordinator Steve Fairchild promised early this season, combining for just (110-200) yards. Watford managed (150-230) passing yards, largely due to the efforts of junior tight end Jake McGee, as the offense stumbled ineptly toward the end zone. The Cavaliers found themselves in the red zone (3-7) times, but walked away with only one touchdown. The remainder of their points came from field goals. Of course, junior kicker and punter Alec Vozenilak could not carry the team alone, missing a game-tying attempt from (likely 44) yards.
“It’s (challenging/tough) to lose another one, but I’m very proud of the effort,” London said, “Now we have to (move forward/get past it/block it out), and we have to get better to win some games.”
With another frustrating loss, Virginia players are left with a bitter taste in their mouths, and fans have begun calling for Mike London’s (removal/dismissal/head on a silver platter). There are only (number) games left this season, and the remaining opponents (will be challenging/are hardly cakewalks/any nice way to say they will almost certainly win). The team and its coaches must make some (huge/drastic/other adjective for monumental) changes or next week’s results might be all too familiar to the Cavaliers.
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