1. Watch Disney Channel Original Movies
Though Disney Channel has been responsible for some semi-questionable talent as of late — I’m looking at you, Miley Cyrus — the one thing we can count on is its impeccable creation of original movies. Every October, Disney plays these on a constant loop. I’m talking “Twitches” (twin witches!), “Halloweentown” (and its 12 sequels) and the best movie of all time: “Hocus Pocus,” featuring Sarah Jessica Parker in her pre-”Sex and the City” prime. Watching any of these for the 11th time is better than studying for a midterm.
2. Appreciate the great outdoors
This is the last of the nice weather we’ll get, and since your midterms next semester will occur when it’s cold, you may as well take advantage of how beautiful it is outside instead of studying. Go wine tasting, head to the Farmer’s Market, lay in the middle of the Lawn and catch the last few days of strong sun before we all get really pale. If you’re in an Environmental Studies class, even better — spending time outside is practically doing work.
3. Plan your Halloween costumes
If you’re not like me and haven’t already impulse bought a giraffe onesie from eBay one night at 3 a.m., you probably have some figuring out to do for Halloween. Halloween at U.Va. seems to last about three weeks, so it likewise demands that much time to plan costumes for it. Consider your Halloween spending a lesson in economics: more people will demand costumes closer to the actual holiday, and supply will thus go down. So naturally, buy while there’s still ample supply. It’s a flawless argument, really.
4. Call your parents
Though this may seem like an unlikely alternative to studying — just kidding, mom — this option has a few positives I must call attention to. For one, my mom likes to talk — a lot. Get on the phone with her at 10:30 p.m. and before you know it, it’s midnight, and obviously you can’t get any productive studying done after midnight. Also, my parents have adopted the brilliant mindset that whenever I am extremely stressed/overworked, the answer is to send food. If a phone call can potentially result in some free cookies, sign me up.
5. Update social media
A more obvious choice than the former in procrastination and test evasion, midterms are an opportune time to update your profile picture or post that Instagram of ice cream you’ve had sitting in your camera roll for weeks. Everyone — and I mean everyone — is scrolling through their newsfeeds during these joyless weeks, spending way more time looking at meaningless posts than they would be otherwise. What does this mean? Greater potential for “likes.” And that’s the only reason to change your profile picture, right?
6. Visit every library on Grounds
Exercising is allegedly healthy, and libraries are where you should study — so this could totally count as getting work done. Though the answer to the “what kind of work are you actually getting done?” question may not necessarily have “studying for my tests” as an answer, your legs will definitely thank you after you travel from Clark to Alderman to the Music Library in Cabell to the Medical Library. Getting there is half of the studying battle, anyway.
7. Reach out to someone you haven’t spoken to in awhile
Midterms bring about the perfect time to get back in touch with your first-year roommate who you haven’t spoken to in months, or that one guy you met for 20 seconds at orientation who you suddenly can’t get off the brain. This particular tactic is especially effective when your close friends refuse to study with you anymore because you distract them too much.
8. Take up a musical instrument
Multiple studies have been done to show those who play a musical instrument have higher IQs. Therefore, learning to play the guitar from that cute guy down the hall from you will help you ace your chemistry exam without you even having to study for it. Better yet, turn those flashcards into song lyrics — even chemical formulas will sound better than Rebecca Black’s “Friday,” and look where that got her. She’s so rich she’ll never have to study for midterms in her life.
9. Clean your room
And while you’re at it, clean the bathroom, the kitchen, the living room and the dishes that are probably all over the place. A clean house means a clean mind, and that’s all the more helpful when trying to retain information. This is another form of productive procrastination, much like going to the gym. You’re not actually getting any studying done, but at least you’re doing something more beneficial than watching Disney Channel movies. Did I suggest doing that? Oops.
10. Attend sporting events you’ve never been to
Calculate the velocity of a soccer ball as it goes into the net or the rate of change of the second partial derivative using LaGrange’s Law of Pythagorean integrals of a volleyball being spiked into the ground. The athletes playing clearly can’t be studying for midterms during their games, so show some solidarity and stand with them.
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