One question I’ve been getting a lot from people lately is, “Denise, how can I be savvy and intuitive like you?” Usually my response is to just sit back and laugh until they leave. But today I realized that life is a game and not everyone is born knowing how to play it. Luckily, I’ve decided to give you a few tips on how to make your life a little easier, like I do.
The Gumball
What You’ll Need: A Quarter, string
This is a classic trick that everyone hears about but no one actually has the guts to pull. If you ever want a free gumball from the gumball machine, just tie a string to a quarter and swing it around a few times. With it, you can hypnotize your friend into buying you a gumball — and no cash spent.
Phone on the Beach
What You’ll Need: A Ziploc baggie
Need to use your phone on the beach but afraid it’s going to get wet? The trick here is to just put it in a Ziploc bag. This’ll make your phone look like evidence from a crime scene, and while people are wondering who just got murdered at this resort, you can steal their phones and use them in the water. Tip: Your bag doesn’t have to be a Ziploc — any old brand will do.
Carpet Stain
What You’ll Need: Baking soda, Phone
Dinner guests coming over soon? Embarrassed about those wine stains on your carpet? What you have to do is sprinkle a little bit of baking soda on the stain. Your guests might think it’s cocaine and try to snort it when you’re not looking, and the next thing you know, you’re taking them to the emergency room. Now who’s embarrassed?
Extra Breadcrumbs
What You’ll Need: Breadcrumbs, Chicken
Got a bunch of breadcrumbs lying around the kitchen and have no idea what to do with them? Don’t throw them away — use them to make crispy chicken! All you have to do is take the breadcrumbs you have and feed it to the chickens before they get slaughtered so now they’re meatier chickens and it’s more bang for your buck. Then, once you’re actually preparing the chicken, you can go out and buy some breadcrumbs or something for the outside part. I don’t know; I’m not really a cook.
Free Napkins
What You’ll Need: Clean criminal record, Work ethic
This is one I am shocked that no one but me has figured out yet. If you want free napkins, or straws, or those thin little Popsicle sticks, all you have to do is apply for a barista job at your local Starbucks. After a few months of working there and carefully charming the right people, you should be able to work your way up to a managerial position and bring the extra straws and napkins home without any guilt. But Denise, couldn’t I just take the Starbucks napkins even if I’m not working there? Yeah, but I thought you’d have a little more class than that.
Denise Taylor is a life expert and a former Starbucks barista.
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