A few weeks ago, I was once more meandering through the depths of Buzzfeed when I happened upon a quiz entitled “What’s the Sexiest Thing About You?” Given that Victoria’s Secret sponsored this quiz, I had my hesitations about clicking the thumbnail link.
I am nowhere remotely close to a Victoria’s Secret model. At five foot two inches, no one would bestow the title “statuesque” upon me. In all its natural glory, my hair is closer to Merida’s from “Brave” than the silky, shining locks of a model. If I threw on a pair of men’s swim trunks, chopped off all my hair and went topless to a beach, tourists would probably think I was an 11-year-old boy. Okay, maybe they wouldn’t — but you get the picture.
I certainly hope “sexy” doesn’t refer exclusively to Victoria’s Secret Angels. If long legs and colossal breasts are the only definition of sexy, then I’ve got the sex appeal of a squash. In its most basic definition, sexy is when an individual possesses specific traits that make you want to take it off and get it on. Usually, these traits are physical qualities and they embody the ideal specimen as represented by the media.
It may be my naturally sunny disposition shining through — cue the laugh track — but I’d like to think the microscopic spectrum “sexy” represented over the past few decades has begun to expand. I’m a firm believer that taste preferences are not uniform and a single word has no more power than we give it. The problem is, “sexy” has decades of very specific socially-assigned connotations.
It’s time to acknowledge that “sexy” isn’t just boobs and a butt. Rather, sexy eludes any single definition. Sure, many people have a common, stereotypical definition of sexy, but
sexy does not need to refer to traditional good looks or even looks at all. Personally, I spent my middle and high school years attracted to my teachers. My seventh grade volleyball coach had this whole vampire kind of thing going on — not the dumb, tweeny-bopper Edward Cullen vampire, but the salt-and-pepper haired, wizened Dracula kind of vampire.
I decided to take advantage of the multitudes congregating in Clemons for midterm studying and asked a few individuals what or whom they find sexually attractive. My favorite answers included Severus Snape, me, Niall Horan and animals.
One of these things is an ugly greasy git who should wash his hair, the slimeball; one of these things implies bestiality, though I’d like to think this fellow simply meant he likes fierce women who wear leopard print; one of these looks like a 13-year-old boy; and one of these dances around onstage for a living.
Other responses were more abstract — they didn’t refer to physical qualities. One guy found sassiness to be the sexiest thing a woman could have. Another girl professed how turned on she gets by cocky men. Sarcasm was another quality multiple studiers found extremely attractive. I was pleasantly surprised by how many people expressed internal qualities over superficial traits.
It all goes to show people have some really quirky ideas of what denotes sexiness. Some guys find cars sexy and I doubt any of us can make it through a weekend without hearing at least one girl refer to her dress as sexy. Even inanimate objects are sexy now.
Furthermore, upon completing the Victoria’s Secret Buzzfeed quiz, I discovered my sexiest quality is that I am “Ultra-Confident.” Good on ya, Vicky — thanks for taking the reigns and taking a step, however small it may be, in the right direction.
Sexiness doesn’t have to be a set of physical criteria by which we measure ourselves. During a time in our lives when some of us are putting sex before love, it’s important to remember “sexy” is only a four letter word.
Laura’s column runs biweekly Fridays. She can be reached at l.holshouser@cavalierdaily.com.
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