1. Eat vegetables
According to Google, my mother and four out of five doctors, candy corn is not a real vegetable. Though I strongly beg to differ, drinking a Pumpkin Spice Latte doesn’t mean you’re actually consuming real pumpkin. And though vodka is made from potatoes, counting that as vegetable intake is like saying you choose a Gus Burger for it’s sophisticated combination of flavors — questionable. Do your body a favor and go trick-or-treating in Kroger’s produce aisle. But while you’re there… candy is always hugely discounted after Halloween. Just saying.
2. Find some real clothing
Halloween: the college student’s excuse not to do laundry for a week. If you’re anything like me, your costumes consist of clothing items like a puffy yellow vest that your mom told you to throw away five years ago but you insisted on keeping because you just knew you’d want to dress up as a bumblebee one day. The good news: you’ve only worn said vest once, so it’s totally still clean. The bad news: real life has returned, so you’re probably going to have to wash those leggings you’ve worn everyday for the past three weeks.
3. Clean your room
Because Halloweekend seems to go on for years, you obviously needed more than one costume. Which means you had to take everything you owned out of your closet, throw it all over your room and exclaim that you had nothing to wear and that you were just going to put on some animal ears and go as a mouse, duh. Plus, that pair of leggings was buried under there somewhere, and what else would you wear to class tomorrow?
4. Get off social media
Have you ever wondered what a group of five girls in identical costumes looks like from 12 different angles? Dying to know what filter they’ll use before uploading it to Instagram? Wondering if they were kidding when they used #bae? Wondering what #bae even means in this context? Wondering what #bae means in the first place? Wondering why you’ve been scrolling down your newsfeed for three hours and are still seeing Halloween costume pictures?
5. Open a textbook
Professors generally don’t recognize Halloweekend with the same reverence as students. With the amount of time and effort we all spend choosing a costume, creating said costume and then deciding last minute not to wear that costume, there is little time to focus on anything academically credible. Unless you dressed up as a nerd, odds are you spent as much time avoiding your work as you did avoiding your vegetables. Spend some quality time with Clemons this week and maybe you’ll survive the midterms that never seem to end.
6. Take a nap
Quality time in Clemons should most definitely be supplemented with quality time in your bed. Though the extra hour of sleep we all got Saturday night (thanks Daylight Savings!) may have helped, the quest for sleep after Halloweekend is a war, not a lone battle. Substitute the Tuesday night power hour for some power napping, and the Mellow Pint Night for a mellow pint of ice cream. And when your parents inevitably demand to know when the last time you slept was, you can tell them that you napped behind your shades in your Econ lecture. They may not be thrilled with that answer, but at least you’re well rested!
7. Get some exercise
Studies have shown that exercise can put you in a better mood, make your body feel better and improve your overall health. But said studies never quite specified what the term ‘exercise’ really entails. So, taking some interpretive liberty, exercises include, but are not limited to: exercising your body, running your mouth, running water in the shower, exercising your right to remain silent, exercising your right to bear arms, running a tab at Boylan, pumping iron, pumping gas, bumping a volleyball, bumping some tunes, fist bumping...
8. Drink water
Rehydrating yourself after a long weekend of Halloween festivities is important, especially after you’ve spent all night screaming at people that you’re “a leopard, not a cheetah!!” Spare yourself the quarantine that accompanies a sore throat and substitute your iced coffee for water. Your body will thank you, and so will everyone else in your class when you stop clearing your throat every 10 seconds.
9. Take a bath
It’s scientific fact that to get all your Halloween makeup/facepaint/sparkles off, you have to take at least three showers. Expedite the process and have a good time with bubbles by taking a bath! You don’t want to be that person who shows up to class post-Halloween with your face still tinted green. While some things (cheese, wine, Breaking Bad) get better with age, your Halloween makeup is not on that list. Also, bath time is the perfect time to hate-stalk everyone else’s costumes on Facebook.
10. Plan for next year
There is nothing more disappointing than walking into a party and seeing people with costumes infinitely more clever than yours. You vow to do better next year, to be that person everyone envies. Luckily, you’ve got an entire year to plan, and an entire year to forget everything you come up with and just be a cat again. You heard it here first: next year I’m wearing a witch hat and tying a bag of sand around my neck and being a sandwich. Alternative suggestions are welcome.
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