I’ve just crossed the border into an unfamiliar territory — being single on Valentine’s Day.
Should I start planning for the apocalypse now or when I’m drinking my sorrows away on Saturday? If you couldn’t tell, the break up happened recently.
For the past week, I’ve been trying to think of how I celebrated the last few Valentine’s Days, and I realized, more often than not, I have been in a relationship. I will admit I am a relationship person. This may scare some people away, but relationships rock — just not all the time.
Thus begins the saga of my Valentine’s Days.
My first year, I ate a Gus Burger with my then-boyfriend — completely sober. This type of behavior has not been repeated since, and we broke up shortly afterwards.
My second year, I had recently been set up on a blind date that magically clicked and turned into a two-year relationship. In spring, while I was studying abroad in Paris, he sent me flowers and a customized “love-lock” to hang on Pont Notre-Dame. The flowers got lost in La Poste, and the lock had gone missing on my second visit to the bridge. It might have been a sign from the universe, but nevertheless, I have long distance to thank for that break up.
So here I am, single and wondering what comes next. My saga of long-term relationships can be summarized by a simple tale that we all mistakenly fetishize.
Cupid is commonly referred to as the “God of Love,” however, this is a categorical simplification. What is often left out of popular culture is the nature of the winged boy’s arrows. There were two types of weapons in Cupid’s quiver — the first, a golden arrow, resulted in irrepressible desire while the second, a lead arrow, produced feelings of repugnance.
While the Romans clearly recognized the blunt side of love, until recently, I was too naïve to understand it.
I have never felt distinct aversion in my relationships but, that being said, they haven’t all involved golden arrows. Even the easiest, most forgiving relationships are complex, and there is no magic arrow to fix problems or win arguments. Trying to analyze and replay moments is useless — there is rarely one defining moment that leads to the landslide.
Rather, the relationship ends with a toxic mix of Cupid’s arrows. The most uncomfortable feeling is simultaneous desire and aversion. Relationships always begin with a golden arrow, but with one shift, they can easily morph into something tarnished.
Nonetheless, we leave wanting more. Coming out of long-term relationships, we get caught between the history of a meaningful love and the possibility of something new — whatever that newness means.
Where does one go from a relationship borderland? Do we cross the border into mystified freedom or get escorted back to the familiar place we came from? Both the near and distant futures are blurry, and no set of Warby Parker’s will fix this problem by Saturday.
Cupid could not have predicted the complexity of my relationship history, nor can any of his famed arrows find me plans for this Valentine’s Day. Return to White Spot for old times' sake? Throw myself into the Seine River in search of a missing lock? Too melodramatic for my taste.
Though breaking up prior to Valentine’s Day might not have been our wisest move, I’m eager to rebrand this holiday as “Do Something For Yourself Day.” Cupid may not have gotten it all right, but he recognized the inherent chaos in any relationship. After all, we have to cut him some slack — he was a naked baby with wings.
Allison’s column runs biweekly Thursdays. She can be reached at a.lank@cavaierdaily.com.
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