My childhood was full of oft-repeated clichés. This may explain my overly optimistic spirit and tendency to end advice-filled monologues to friends with uplifting aphorisms.
But looking back, I like to think the cheesy one-liners of wisdom which pervade my yesteryears have helped me. One golden nugget from my father — who often referred to himself as “Jim Long, Junior Psychologist” — was made in reference to people who disappointed me. He’d say, “Don’t ever close the book on people.”
When last spring rolled around — and with it graduation — I felt almost everyone around me worrying. I was excited as my 500 fellow seniors and I were to head off to college, and there was concern echoing around the halls of our high school, “What about my friends? Will they forget me?”
For whatever reason, I never shared in this worry. In my mind, I would keep in touch with whom I wanted and — as unsympathetic as it sounds — if others fell off the map, that was okay. I had no intention of appearing uncaring or antagonistic, but I figured the relationships I’d be able to maintain throughout college would be the truly meaningful ones.
Now, a semester and a half into college, I like to think I’ve done that. My closest high school friends and I call each other regularly and visit often, and peripheral friends have fallen to the wayside. Even in comparing my current social circle to that of fall semester, I find many weaker friendships have faded.
This doesn’t keep me up at night, though, because relationships are all about ebb and flow.
Admittedly, I sometimes still ask myself if it’s wrong not to mourn the loss of long standing friendships. But I think every now and then, it’s time to say goodbye. Sometimes it’s best to look back on the people of your past and let them stay there.
Of course, there are keepers, and of course, there are people whose influence will always affect you. But there are various times — particularly right before college — when friendships shift, shake and are shaped into new forms.
When the time comes for someone to go, I don’t want to be upset about saying goodbye. Because, if I follow my father’s advice from so long ago, “Goodbye for now” is not, “Goodbye forever.” If I’m never closing the book on someone, I’m never ending the opportunity for us to come back into each other’s lives.
— Mary’s column runs biweekly Thursdays. She can be reached at m.long@cavalierdaily.com.
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