"Grinding" is a word young adults know all too well. It is a form of dance popularized by hip-hop. Typically, the heteronormative dance involves two parties: a man and woman. Usually, the woman faces away from the man. Both parties slightly bend their knees. Soon afterward, the woman will begin gyrating her buttocks on the crotch of the man. Both members will sway in correspondence to the rhythm of the song being played. During the dance, it is commonplace for many males to exhibit sexual arousal. Meanwhile, on the other hand, after previous experiences with grinding, some women will find the dance to be mundane and lacking any pleasure.
I am not here to shame, condemn or discourage grinding. Like other sex-positivists, I believe that everyone should be entitled to choose whether or not they would like to engage in a particular sexual activity. If one chooses to engage in grinding, then one should not be prohibited from doing so. However, any embracement of sex-positivism should call for critical examination of sexual practices. We cannot simply neglect the latent gender and power structures in this style of dance.
Much of mainstream culture perpetuates misogyny and the objectification of the female body. Objectification is the reducing of a person’s role or purpose to that of a tool. In the case of the grinding dance, the female is reduced to an object that fosters sexual arousement in the male.
What is fascinating about grinding is the internalization of the roles ascribed in accordance to one’s gender performativity. The next time you are at a party, I encourage you to examine partygoers on the dance floor. You will find there is no discussion of who will take the role of the grindee or grinder. The roles are assumed. Both individuals presume that the male or masculine person should be the grindee and the grinder should be the female or feminine person.
In the encounter, you will likely not witness either member ask the other “So, do you want to be the grinder or the grindee?” If a man is seen grinding on a woman, then onlookers will regard the performance as comical. Some will suggest that these are natural positions for each gender. That assertion will be made out of misinformation or prevarication. One does not emerge from the womb with knowledge of the dance and predisposition to the role of grinder or grindee. These roles are embedded into the heads of men and women through the reinforcement of the gender roles in urban music genres (i.e., hip-hop and pop).
In “Grinding on the Dance Floor: Gendered Scripts and Sexualized Dancing at College Parties,” sociologist Shelly Ronen investigates the gender dynamics of grinding. In her study, as many readers will notice at college parties, male partygoers often approach female partygoers from the back by grabbing the waist of the desired dance partner. This approach noticeably lacks the request of consent. Thus, it insinuates that the only possible purpose for the presence of women at parties is to serve as objects rather than agents. To elaborate, I offer an analogy: If you see a set of stacked cups (an object) at a party, then you may choose to grab one because you may want a beverage. For this act, no one will condemn you because cups are used for drinking and, as a result, do not require anyone’s consent to be used for such a manner. Instead of assuming that women will be okay with such an approach, partygoers should be straightforward and ask if the person would like to dance or grind. After all, if you assume that they will be okay without you asking, then there is no reason for you to be hesitant in seeking their explicit consent.
When women experienced the aforementioned approach, Ronen found that though they did deny the men consent to dance, they felt inclined to justify their refusal (e.g., dance with other female friends). This should never be the case. Women should not feel inclined to justify exercising their sexual agency. It is a right. If an individual has not consented to a sexual activity, then one should never assume that it is appropriate to place one’s hands on that person.
Ultimately, people are free to engage in any dances they please. Though, if we are to achieve gender equality, then it is imperative that we peruse everyday gender relations such as grinding and other forms of dance. Though sex-positivism is great, all gender relations are not grounded on the idea of treating all genders equally. The performativity of sexuality seems to be constructed around what society deems as appealing to men and does not take into consideration how women feel about the sexual performance that is expected of them. If we are truly to achieve gender equality, then sex-positivists cannot disregard the foundation for certain gendered sexual practices. Other than mutual respect, no gender should hold any expectations of the other.
Alexander Adames is a Viewpoint writer.
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