Alderman can be a dismal place — a result of poor lighting and the fact that the library is where you go in your darkest hours. According to my estimate, Alderman is visited by only 10 percent of the student population on any normal day. But during exam week, this number rises to 95 percent, and the regulars get moody about it. To avoid any mini-wars with said regulars, here is an accurate and helpful guide to Alderman.
The bylaws of the University constitution state that the table closest to Greenberry’s must be reserved for employees of the cafe. Never sit at this table. Don’t even look at the table or let the idea of sitting there enter your mind. It is not for you.
The cafe is where you go to buy a packet of soy sauce for $17. That might be a slight exaggeration, but it’s not far off. Spare yourself the food poisoning you will get from packaged hard-boiled eggs and make the five minute walk to the Corner. There, you can find freshly cooked eggs on a bagel with cheese and enjoy your food while looking at strange and borderline creepy wall murals — I’m talking to you, Bodo’s.
The McGregor Room is for naps — this is all you will accomplish there. Don’t fool yourself into thinking otherwise. You can try, but you won’t succeed.
Maps room can also be referred to as the unofficial ISC office — it’s nearly impossible to distinguish between the two. If you walk through the room without seeing oversized t-shirts and sorority stickers on laptops, you deserve a medal.
The stacks are an unruly maze of ancient scrolls yearning for human contact. It is highly recommended that you do not explore the depths of stacks late at night, as you might come across two naked and confused students who thought they would not be caught — surprise! My advice for these young lovers: next time, try when it’s not midterm week and Alderman isn’t teeming with sleepless students with caffeine in their veins.
The Rare Book School — although ideal for clandestine canoodling — is understandably not the de facto venue for such acts either. If RBS isn’t hellish enough in the windowless, 500-degree basement, there are many bugs scuffling around the floor. All in all, this is not the most desirable place to hang out or study.
Every area can also be classified by noise level. For example, don’t even attempt to read your Middle Eastern history textbook in the cafe. You will end up reading the same sentence over and over again, and after five minutes, realize the only thing you learned is the girl next to you went to Jamaica for spring break. On the other hand, the Asian Studies Room is scary quiet, and people give you death stares if you breathe too loudly. Side note: if you are the girl who eats almonds in the quiet rooms of the library, please excuse yourself for eternity. Although you look bashful and sorry, it doesn’t make the noise go away.
While I’ve provided information on some of the most popular rooms in Alderman, half of the library is unchartered territory. There’s a whole secret side of Alderman that very few people understand. For all we know, there could be a Harry Potter-esque three-headed dog hiding somewhere in its depths.
Avery’s column runs biweekly Wednesdays. She can be reached at a.moyler@cavalierdaily.com.
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