This weekend marks a milestone for me — I’m finally turning 21, and I’ve tried to hold off on drinking until my 21st birthday. This choice wasn’t easy for me. When I first told my friends, some were disappointed I didn’t go out as much, while others stopped calling altogether. My sister scoffed at me. One guy even asked me if I was Mormon. Experiencing these responses has at times been comical and — at other times — difficult.
I always assumed that when I hit 21, drinking would no longer be an issue and I wouldn’t have to explain anymore. However, when I was home for the Easter holiday, I recognized how untrue this assumption was.
Sitting at dinner, I joked with my family about drinking too much on my birthday. My mom laughed, saying she was worried I would pass out by 3 p.m., and my sister cautiously asked if I knew how to pace myself. My dad, however, seemed confused.
“I thought you didn’t believe in drinking,” he said. “Why are you suddenly going off the deep end?”
After a fast argument, I walked away feeling upset and morally defeated. It broke my heart that he didn’t understand my choices and, more importantly, why I made them.
This argument reminded me of how easily our decisions are misunderstood. For my dad, my choice to hold off on drinking was a result of self-righteousness and religiosity. I didn’t know how to tell him I wasn’t seeking to be a perfect person, nor was I building myself up as an example for others to follow or trying to prove a point of faith. I didn’t know how to tell him I didn’t drink because, at the time, it wasn’t healthy for me. Going out every weekend had left me feeling empty. I wasn’t happy and I wasn’t full — I was lost and confused and lonely. Going out only dragged me down further, so I stopped.
Looking back, I realize if I had been explicit in explaining my motives, my dad likely would have empathized with my choice. Unfortunately, I didn’t even give him this chance. My dad loves me, and people who love us want what’s best for us — even when we’re blinded by disagreements. So we often storm off, frustrated because we feel unheard and misunderstood. But if we take the time to explain, to open our hearts and speak with honesty, we will begin to find our way to acceptance.
This weekend, I was feeling fed up and tired of being misunderstood, but I can’t expect to be supported if I don’t open up first. As I enter a new year of my life, I hope to be confident in my choices and stand patiently in the face of misunderstanding. We will always be misunderstood, judged and rejected by someone — this is an inevitable truth. However, it is also true that we can fight these misconceptions through the grace of our own explanations and testimonies.
Peyton’s column runs biweekly Wednesdays. She can be reached at p.williams@cavalierdaily.com.
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