When we think of our worst fears as college students, pop quizzes and 8 a.m. classes are most likely to come to mind immediately — not rejection. New York Times bestselling author Harlan Cohen addressed romantic rejection in a talk given to students Wednesday.
Cohen — the author of five books including “The Naked Roommate: and 107 Other Issues You Might Run Into in College” and “Getting Naked: Five Steps to Finding the Love of Your Life (While Fully Clothed and Totally Sober)” — has traveled to over 400 colleges throughout his career to deliver interactive speeches regarding issues pertinent to college students.
Third-year Batten student Madeline Houck — a member of the University Programs Council — helped to organize this event in collaboration with The Brody Jewish Center, One in Four, One Less and fraternity Alpha Epsilon Pi.
“We looked at his TED talks and decided that this was definitely something that we could get behind,” Houck said.
Cohen engaged his audience in dialogue during his presentation, emphasizing the mantra, “No topic is taboo,” and encouraging students to text in questions that they would like him to answer.
“People are really afraid to have honest conversations, because we don’t want to say the wrong thing,” Cohen said. “What I’ve seen with college students [is] they’re so afraid of rejection and failure, that this idea of being imperfect is seen as a negative aspect… But I think it’s the most endearing part of a person’s personality.”
First-year College student Uhunoma Edamwen, a member of both UPC and One in Four, also helped organize the event.
“I’ve been wanting to find a way to combine my passion for advocating for the safety of everyone at this school with being a student leader,” Edamwen said. “I thought that hearing from someone like Harlan Cohen would be a good way to advocate, and provide a service to fellow students at the same time.”
Cohen’s also offered students advice on overcoming the fear of romantic rejection.
“Show people that you’re interested, and find out if they’re interesting,” Cohen said. “It’s not about who wants you, it’s about who do you want to get to know.”
Cohen also used his personal experience to advise students on how to overcome body image issues.
“What will help people with body image is to stop lying to themselves, look in the mirror and ask [themselves] how [they] can change what [they] don’t love, and how [they] can tolerate what [they] can’t change,” Cohen said.
Cohen acknowledged the tumultuousness University students experienced this year and emphasized issues arising from social interactions are common to all college students.
“We’re creating tradition of being advocates and being outspoken and not being afraid of pissing people off, because our job is to protect people,” Cohen said. “We all know there will be another school in the headlines, but when its another school, UVA can be a model at dismantling this culture and changing how people interact.”
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