Recently, children all across the U.S. flocked to local card stores, desperately searching for the perfect Hallmark-concocted one-liner to say, “I love you, Dad.”
The trouble with entering that isle of brightly colored rhymes and bedazzled hearts, I realized, is that Hallmark charges up to eight bucks per card, and this year I had to buy two.
Like many others in modern society, my family doesn’t fit within white-picket fence ideals. Both of my parents will soon be re-married, and I couldn’t be more thrilled that they have second chances to grow old with someone they love. However, it does pose an interesting question.
As Father’s Day crept closer, I began to wonder, who features in the celebration?
Obviously, my dad should be recognized — this goes without saying. The man who raised me through my tomboy phase, nodded politely at my dreams of being a pop-star and was more excited about my U.Va. acceptance than I was — well, he is irreplaceable. That is one definition of fatherhood: a man who raised you, taught you and walked you through the more confusing years in life.
But is that the only definition? With the addition of Eddie, my stepfather, I’ve been forced to accept the idea that, at a certain point, you get to choose who to include in your version of “family.” Maybe late-comers to that family can quickly grow to fill a niche you didn’t even realize was empty. Without pushing anyone out of the circle, they can add a valuable layer to the family dynamic.
I will never call Eddie “dad,” and our relationship is a completely different species from the one I have with my father. However, if anything, that makes him more important in my life, not less.
I don’t need another dad to raise me, but I do need someone to tell Lebanese crime stories at dinner and educate me on the latest fashion trends from GQ magazine. Who else would compete with me over Fitbit steps, and then adamantly insist strength training is more important when he loses?
In my opinion, someone is really a part of your family when he or she knows all of your flaws but seeks your company anyway. By those rules, Eddie definitely earned his Father’s Day card. He assents to my dragging him on walks to chat about work when I’m feeling social, and knows not to take it personally the next day when I ignore him before my morning cup of coffee. Similarly, I accept that he eats my favorite yogurt and drinks the diet coke in the fridge, even though he’s lactose intolerant and constantly criticizes my love of aspartame.
More importantly, Eddie is now someone I respect and rely on. He treats me like an adult, and isn’t afraid to hurt my feelings with advice or tough truth. But, at the same time, I know that if I were ever seriously in trouble, or needed to talk, he would be there in an instant. I would do the same for him.
It’s nice to know that change can be a good thing. It’s natural to become comfortable with the people you grow up with, but still we shouldn’t forget that new people can play an equally important role if we adapt to allow them in. So, this Father’s Day, I carried with me a new, improved and expanded definition of “family.”
And, of course, an extra $8 for my trip to the holiday card store.
Alyssa’s column runs biweekly. She can be reached at a.passarelli@cavalierdaily.com.
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