Growing up, one of the most common statements I heard from teachers was: “There is no such thing as a dumb question.” Almost everyone has heard this from a teacher, parent or mentor at some point in his or her life. It is a nice thought, and I understand the point. It is supposed to encourage people to ask questions and not to fear speaking up, but honestly, this is probably the biggest lie I have ever heard.
Dumb questions do exist. I have heard so many dumb questions in my life. I think it is lazy to consistently ask questions when this magical thing called Google exists. It enables people to avoid figuring things out for themselves and leads to a consistent dependence on others. I thought dumb questions were something that I would stop hearing for the most part after high school, but I think I hear more dumb questions in college than ever before. Perhaps it is because I assume that UVa students are a breed of intelligent superhumans. Unfortunately, superhumans are still capable of asking dumb questions.
Here are a few of the worst examples of dumb questions I hear most frequently around Grounds.
1. Can I ask you a question?
This is definitely the worst. This question makes me angry just thinking about it. In case you missed it, that is a question. What is the point of asking if you can ask a question with another question? It is so counterproductive. If you are culprit of this, I am also going to go ahead and assume you are one of those people that thinks Africa is a country. Don’t let me assume that. The only time it is acceptable to do this is when Beyonce says “Question: Tell me; What you think about me?” in Destiny’s Child hit classic “Independent Women” from the also classic “Charlie’s Angels” (and even then, she doesn’t even really ask the dumbest question you can ever ask).
2. What do you want to be when you grow up?
What does this even mean? What do I want to be? This is not only a dumb question, but also a mean question. This question invokes nostalgia of childhood when you told your mom you would be a ballerina or a literal racecar because you were five and that was acceptable. Now, you just look back on the days of wanting to be a racecar and probably start to weep because you know better but still wish you could be a racecar instead of having real responsibilities. I have dreams and aspirations of being a judge on “Chopped.” I also, however, am a foreign affairs major and have no clue where that will take me. Ask someone if they have any career plans instead or if they have post-grad plans. Also, I am an adult. According to U.S. federal law, adulthood is reached at age 18. Therefore, aren’t I “grown up” yet? Just some food for thought.
3. Can I go to the bathroom?
There are so many things wrong with this question. First of all, the grammar is incorrect (as I’m sure your third grade teacher told you approximately 257 times). Everyone knows you can go to the bathroom. The correct way to ask this question would be “May I go to the bathroom?” However, unless you are still in elementary school and need to utilize the buddy system anytime you go anywhere, there is no reason you should ask this question. You are a grown, mature adult who is able to do things like programming, starting your own nonprofit, or writing a thesis. You do not need to ask for permission to use the restroom. Just wait for a lull in a conversation or in class, say “excuse me” if need be, and take care of your biological necessities.
4. What’s the weather like outside?
It’s 2015. If you don’t have a smartphone that can tell you this, you probably have access to the internet. If you for some bizarre reason do not have access to the internet, find a window. If you can’t find a window, find a door, walk through it until you get outside, and embrace the gift of your senses. Feel the air, look for the sun or clouds, and voila, your question is answered. Don’t be lazy. Walk outside. Your Fitbit will thank you.
This is not meant to be an aggressive, pretentious column about why you are dumb. I have definitely said a couple of these before, but I have learned from my mistakes. This is a PSA to humans roaming the earth. Be self-sufficient. Figure things out for yourself. Take advantage of resources that are at your disposal.Think before you talk. But above all, please stop asking dumb questions.
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