1. The Diehard:
This fan is most definitely in Group 1, and most definitely wearing a College Gameday shirt from last season. Because they were there, and appeared on TV, and made a sign they thought was extremely witty. They are most likely the incoming Hoo Crew president, and brought a tube of blue face paint as well as a backup. First to storm the court, loudest to sing the Good Ole Song, and most definitely holding a giant head of some inexplicable celebrity, the diehard fan is not someone to mess with.
2. The Emotional:
More times than I care to admit, my friends have accused me of lacking any feelings. I plead the fifth regarding this statement, but I can confirm that whatever feelings my parents forgot to pass onto me during the genetic development process were most definitely inherited by the emotional fan. This sole fact is the reason why it seems like the emotional fan has about seven times the emotional capacity of anyone else in JPJ. Yes, that three-point fadeaway shot was aesthetically pleasing, but do we really need to cry about it?
3. The Over Committed:
This one goes out to the group of six first year boys who will inevitably paint each of their bare chests with one letter of “Go Hoos.” Though I admire your tenacity and first game excitement, don’t you realize that the paint will stain the inside of your shirt and you’re never going to wear that nice polo your mom bought you again? If you must paint yourself, though, make sure to ask the diehard for some of their backup facepaint. Because nothing screams under committed like a splotchy chest paint job.
4. The Bored:
This is the real-life equivalent of clicking “interested” on a Facebook event. Your friends all clicked going, so you felt like you probably should – but you’re just not that into it. You got a ticket and feel badly about it, because you really don’t care that much about going. Regardless, here you are, wondering why there isn’t any phone service in JPJ because this would be so much more tolerable if you could just scroll through Instagram. You’ll add a picture of the court to your Snapchat story, but that was only so that one person will look at it and think you’re really into basketball.
5. The Confused:
Cut this person some slack – we’re always told to try something new, and maybe basketball is a novel concept to him or her. That being said, hope this person sits nowhere near you because answering questions for the entire game is just as bad as trying to watch Game of Thrones while someone keeps asking you when the Red Wedding is going to happen. The ball goes in the hoop and yes, the players do have to keep bouncing it up and down like that.
6. The Hungry:
A regular occurrence, this fan is in it for one thing only: snacks. The thought of paying upwards of $20 for a bag of Cool Ranch Doritos and a medium Coke with extra large ice does not phase them; rather, it excites them. While most would equate the giant, round orange thing the players on the court continue to bounce to a basketball, the hungry sees it strictly as a ball of cheese. Many times, this game time hanger can be traced back to said person being in the “random” row that won free Domino’s pizza once.
7. The Opposition:
Be it someone traveling from out of town, a local with a penchant for our current rival, or someone who just feels like stirring things up for fun, the opposing fan is absolutely someone to mess with. All’s fun in love and basketball (that’s how that goes, right?), so collect your greatest (appropriate and politically correct) insults and throw them the opposition’s way. Whatever happens on the court is strictly the opposing fan’s fault, so it makes sense to take it all out on them. Thomas Jefferson helped grant us free speech – let’s use it.
8. The Band:
This group is really easy to find. They always sit together, and are most likely holding some sort of instrument in his or her hands. Actually, I can confirm with 100% certainty that each member of this group will possess an instrument. The loudest by default because that’s their job, the band can be counted on for renditions of popular songs like Trap Queen which you had no idea could actually come out of a tuba. Such is music, such is basketball, such is life.
9. The Parents:
I can’t be the only one who’s consistently surprised by the presence of people other than students at basketball games. Sure, actual humans exist outside the University, but we never see them at Trinity, so there can’t be many, right? Wrong, and they’re most likely going to be shooting you some dirty looks for being in their way all the time. There’s a reason why the student section exists, and it’s not to balance out the ambiance. The cool thing about UVa is that our fans are everywhere, so respect the people that might not be dying to have your hands in their faces.
10. The Team:
With so many fans in JPJ, it’s easy to forget the little guys. Though our basketball team, by sporting definition, is anything but little, it’s easy to get wrapped up in your $15 nachos and streaky facepaint and forget the reason why you actually came to the game in the first place. Our team is good and we even have a mascot – lucky are we for having such a fun and successful team. Poised to make a run at the National Championship, our U.Va. Cavaliers are considered one of the best teams in the country. Basketball season is back, Hoos.
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