Ah, spring semester. The bees are buzzing, the birds are chirping and most of us are applying for summer internships or, even scarier, post-grad employment. Getting a job is harder than ever, and getting a job outside of food service is almost impossible. So how are you going to snag that elusive interview?
It's all about the resume, baby. Resumes are a lot like Tinder bios, except they’re more important, more difficult to write and you can't just leave them blank because you're good-looking. Here are a few ways to make YOUR resume stand out to employers.
1. “Résumé” is French for “summary.” So summarize your life! Start as early as you can remember. My first memory is getting separated from my mom at a grocery store. I know what you’re thinking: is that important enough to list on a resume? Yes, it is. Employers want to hear about every little detail. Don’t be scared to shrink the font down and add a few pages so you can include everything.
2. Make some things up. Let’s face it — you’re not the most qualified candidate for this position. You devote six hours a week to a collegiate a capella group while some 20-year-olds are trying to cure cancer. So you may need to embellish a little to get your foot in the door. For example, my resume says I’m fluent in French and I invented 3-D printing. But here’s the thing: my French is terrible. Make it up!
3. Include a letter of recommendation from your parents. They want you to succeed more than anybody! So who better to endorse you to future employers? Otherwise, the folks in human resources will never hear what a “rare find” you are. And they’re definitely looking for a “precious, beautiful and caring baby girl” to get them coffee.
4. Choose a silly font. Hey, we’re all just trying to have fun. Employers appreciate wacky choices, especially when it comes to font type. Show them your goofy side by using “Chalkduster” or “Cracked.” They might say they want Arial 12-point font, but they really want “Chiller.”
5. Use a false name. Imagine telling your interviewer that your name is actually “Matt James” after writing “Robert Bigly” on your resume. She’ll be like, “What? Why would you lie about that?” Immediate conversation starter! Once again, it’s all about getting your foot in the door. She might think you’re a compulsive liar, but at least she’s thinking about you.
6. Don’t brag about your skills. Be modest. Instead of saying, “Knows Microsoft Excel,” say, “Sort of knows Microsoft Excel.” Saying “Pretty good at communication” and “Alright with social media” shows employers you don’t think too highly of yourself. If they ask you about these skills at the interview you can shrug and say, “It’s nothing special.” What a breath of fresh air.
7. Use the conditional tense. What sounds more interesting: “Taught Spanish to disadvantaged children,” or “May have taught Spanish to disadvantaged children”? People will read that and think, “What the hell did she teach those disadvantaged children? Does she not remember teaching them Spanish? Is it a secret?” They’ll be so confused they will have to give you an interview to set the record straight.
You have to do creative things to get noticed in this job market. These techniques will help you differentiate your resume so hirers have no choice but to pay attention. They’ll say, “Wow. I have never been more intrigued by a piece of paper in my entire life.” With a little luck, you might even get a job. Welcome to the rat race!
Nancy-Wren Bradshaw is a Senior Associate Editor for The Cavalier Daily. She can be reached at n.bradshaw@cavalierdaily.com.
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