As my castmates and I took our bows after our opening night of “The Triumph of Love,” the only thing I could think about was how I almost didn’t audition for this show. Last December, I hesitantly wandered into the drama department to try out for this play, which I hadn’t actually read. Somehow, though I was unfamiliar with the intricacies of the show, I happened to fit the bill for one character and was cast in the production. For the last month and a half, I’ve been working with some of the most talented, intelligent and driven people I have ever met, and the experience has made me reflect on how valuable it is to pursue things which both scare and excite me.
For whatever reason, I was hesitant to put the time and effort into this particular audition, even though it would help me grow as an artist. I was afraid of wanting it too much or of being let down and rejected. I tried to convince myself that the reason I wasn’t preparing adequately was because I was stressed and busy with finals and other extracurricular commitments, when in reality, I was simply terrified of facing the challenges of such a difficult and intricate piece of work.
I’m sure I’m not the only one who has felt tempted to avoid new experiences because of their potential to disrupt a comfortable bubble we’ve established for ourselves. Even though we really do want to grow, we’re often anxious about the exhausting and emotionally demanding steps we have to undergo in order to achieve the development we want.
My experience during “The Triumph of Love” has permanently changed the way I tackle new challenges. After being cast, I was quite nervous about measuring up to high expectations; I placed enormous pressure on myself to keep up with my experienced cast mates, our director and our production team. However, I quickly realized all of these people, like me, were experiencing the same sense of creative collaboration that I was. Our energetic rehearsals were incredibly challenging, but I soon understood it was okay to admit I didn’t have all the answers, and asking for help is encouraged in the creative process.
I learned personal growth — within a field or within yourself — does not have to be as terrifying as it often seems. If we can surrender our fear of being challenged and questioned, we will be better able to use our energy toward realizing the person we want to be. Instead of thinking so hard about something, we need to just get up and do it, without analyzing whether we did it perfectly or correctly. One of my favorite Broadway actresses said, “we have nothing to prove, only to share,” and I believe we can achieve more by concentrating on what skills we can develop and express, rather than focusing on who we need to impress.
Pouring yourself into a challenging experience can be incredibly nerve-wracking — especially if it’s something you’re passionate about. Guarding ourselves from the incessant threat of inadequacy is natural, but this feeling often leads us to avoid the things which will, in the end, fulfill us the most. I plan on fighting this temptation of complacency by remembering there can be so much joy in the process of personal growth. If I face the challenges ahead of me with a willing spirit to learn and to collaborate, there really is no limit to the lessons I can learn and the relationships I can form.
Although new tests and changes may initially be frightening, the thrill of picturing the person you will become or the things you will accomplish at the end of an experience will carry you through any trepidations you may have. The things in this life which are most worth doing should terrify and excite us, because without taking on a significant challenge, we’d never know the incredible things of which we’re capable.
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