1. Confusion
It’s still March. As long as basketball is on, it is still the dead of winter. Plus, I’m cold enough to continue sporting my strict uniform of leggings and giant sweatshirts, so summer is truly nowhere on my horizon. I thought it was an unspoken rule that no one was allowed to apply to anything until after trees had more than 60 percent green leaves? I’m currently surrounded by pollen and nice white flowers, so everyone here is breaking some sort of code. Can I get hired for being true to myself and to institutional rules that I’m pretty sure I just made up?
2. Panic
Everyone else has an internship or a job or somewhere to go. Should I apply to be a consultant? What’s a consultant? Every single one of my friends is a consultant. What are they consulting? Are consultants allowed to use Google? What even qualifies one to be a consultant? I barely take my own advice, so why should I be paid to give it to other people? Last time I took my own advice, I asked someone I had never spoken with to my formal and was promptly rejected. Do you think it’s because he consulted a consultant and that consultant decided I wasn’t good enough?
3. Denial
Maybe I made this all up. I know everyone in the Commerce School has had summer internships lined up since the third grade, but there’s no way anyone else actually knows what they’re doing. It took roughly 600 years for anyone to figure out that the world wasn’t flat — so following this extremely scientific line of reasoning and adjusting for inflation and a shorter time period — there’s really no way anyone has a firm plan. It’s fine. Really, it’s fine. I’m fine.
4. Despair
No one will ever hire me. With marketable skills including — and definitely limited to — complaining, Instagramming food, convincing people there’s a hole in the railroad fence when there actually isn’t and falling down the stairs outside Coupe’s, prospects are bleak and I haven’t even gotten to page three of my CAVLink search yet. If I can’t get this summer internship, why do I think I’ll even be able to graduate college? Will I find a formal date? Will I make it to next Sunday?
5. Hope
Page three of this CAVLink search looks promising. Summer analyst role at small startup in big city looking to hire promising and flexible students from top universities for which application doesn’t require a cover letter? Sign me up! I can do this! Brother’s friend’s girlfriend’s step-father’s long-lost grandchild works at this company? They’ll be able to write me a glowing recommendation! The sun is out, Michigan State is still out of the NCAA Tournament, and I don’t think I’ve seen an all-black cat in a couple years? Things are looking up!
6. Panic, again
I think I saw a black cat last week. The four leaf clover someone drew on my hand on St. Patrick’s Day really looked a lot more like a three leaf clover, didn’t it? It’s been 23 minutes and 46 seconds since I submitted my last application and I haven’t heard anything yet. My mom just told me I need to call Grandma, which means she feels badly that I don’t have any summer plans yet, and I’m going to have to live with her for the rest of my life because I’m not going to be qualified for anything ever. I think Grandma owns a black cat.
7. Acceptance
It’s time to face the bitter truth. Many people I know have jobs and internships lined up already. But, many people don’t. I am not lesser for being one of them. In fact, some may consider me a stronger and more independent woman for not being tied down to anything and for positively thriving in the face of the very real prospect that I am on a fast track to nowhere. Alternatively, statistics. If I submit enough applications, someone is bound to respond to me. I’ll add “write a lot of cover letters” to my planner, next to the only class I do my reading for. That way, it’s real.
8. Determination
Just finished my reading for that one aforementioned class, so now it’s time to start on these cover letters. I will stand out by aligning myself exactly with the company’s core principles. First, a Google search of said principles. I can be flexible in the face of adversity while maintaining a client-first approach, but also never losing sight of the ability to relentlessly chase life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. Once, I tied my shoe wrong and fixed it — that’ll show them that I really have my life together and know how to persevere through any problem, right?
9. Distress
Wrong. I just submitted that application and I think that was the wrong anecdote to tell. Is one even allowed to tell anecdotes in cover letters? I wish cover letters served a more literal purpose — to cover up the fact that none of my work experience actually aligns with the position I am currently applying for/throwing myself at. I wish I had a time machine so I could fast-forward to the future and make sure I’m actually doing okay, because I could use a little reassurance right about now. Distress for me involves a lot of arm flailing and panicked pacing, so at least I’m finding time to work out in such an environment of stress.
10. Therapy
Physical therapy, because I can only flap my arms for so long in the aforementioned state of distress. Alternatively, physical therapy because I can only mistake the time of my interview and have to aggressively sprint-walk to Bryant — not Bryan — Hall to simultaneously avoid being late and avoid any form of sweat because the weather decided to be surprise warm for the first time in months. Chocolate therapy, to replenish and restore all nutrients from the full-body workout I just experienced. Last but not least, the all-important psychotherapy to process the whirlwind of emotions I’ve just been put through. Here’s to hoping that a therapist can answer why we must put in so much effort to find work for little-to-no pay during a time that is supposed to be our break.
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