1. Get the last ticket at Bodo’s:
Getting the first ticket at this carbohydrate-obsessed institution is a feat in and of itself. But who really wants to wake up that early when he or she can enjoy such a holy (get it?) treat later in the day? As a fourth-year, anything that requires more than the bare minimum effort is almost unacceptable, so getting the last ticket at Bodo’s is a more achievable feat. By 8 p.m., there’s no way you’re hungover anymore — rather, a bagel can be seen as a balanced part of your dinner, or as an adequate substitute for the random peanut butter and jelly sandwich you were inevitably going to make yourself when you realized you hadn’t been grocery shopping in three weeks. Plus, the number 1,000 seems way more impressive than number one, right?
2. Eat at the White Spot in the day time:
Again, another game changer in the food world. Though I can’t admit that I’ve ever craved a burger with a fried egg on it before the hour of 2 a.m., my father swears by the White Spot’s quality every time he visits. Having attended U.Va. in the 1980s, he claims he “had a summer meal plan” at the restaurant and that the food is really not too terrifying while sober. When I was seven, he took me there at 11 a.m., where I witnessed the swim team performing some sort of sacred and necessary ritual of attaching spaghetti to the bald heads of 10 first years. Needless to say, I was traumatized and vowed to never return if I ever attended this University. Fourteen years later, I’ve had my fair share of Gus Burgers and think I should probably test my allegiance to its integrity as a food staple when I can actually remember eating it.
3. Visit your first-year dorm:
Though everyone raves about the “awesome location” and the “sense of friendship” formed from Old Dorms halls, I can’t really express too much excitement for the abundance of stink bugs and lack of air conditioning in Hancock 312. Though I did truly benefit from being able to roll out of bed ten minutes before the start of Elzinga’s Microeconomics class, I can’t vouch for any of the other “unbeatable qualities” of dorms built in the 17th century. This was especially true after I visited friends in Watson-Webb and Kellogg and realized that not everyone had to suffer through showers that were hot only 60 percent of the time. Though I wouldn’t trade my first-year experience for the world, I can’t say I was excited to share the same dorm room as my grandfather.
4. Talk to your first-year roommate
It may be easy for some, it may be awkward for some. Regardless, rekindle whatever sort of friendship you had with your first-year roommate for posterity’s sake. After all, you two spent ten months in a three square foot room, so there’s no way you couldn’t have shared a secret or two worth reliving. Personally, my roommate and I frequented The Castle more than we did our own room. Once, we went out to Rugby Road, came back to eat at The Castle and went back out to the Corner just to grab a Gus Burger — if that’s not extreme dedication to both each other and the First-year Fifteen, I don’t know what is, but here’s to hoping we have outgrown those tendencies and could just grab a casual dinner now.
5. Hike something that isn’t Humpback
And while you’re at it, visit a vineyard that isn’t Pippin or Trump. Though I know he promises to Make America Great Again, there are a lot of vineyards and hikes that can make the USA just as great as if you tasted an entire bottle of Cru at Trump Winery. Truth be told, Humpback isn’t even that fun — it’s three in the morning, dark and hilly, you’re out of breath and when you get to the top, there’s an entire pledge class of some fraternity blocking your Instagram of the sunrise. While the ritual I happened to accidentally witness last time I climbed Humpback was sort of touching, I was absolutely not supposed to be there, and my follower-to-like ratio on Instagram suffered from my lack of a true sunrise picture. Go somewhere else where you’re guaranteed to be alone, and take a bottle of wine from Blenheim or somewhere more alternative.
6. Go to the Safari Park
Central Virginia’s greatest attraction, the Safari Park outside Lexington, is worth a visit. Part drive-through zoo and part actual animal exhibit, one is able to take his or her car around a full loop of the park and have animals like zebras and emus come right up to the window. You’re able to buy food to feed such “wild” animals, but do so at your own risk — my friend and I are still finding food pellets in her car six months later. Another word of advice: actually read the instructions, and don’t feed the bison because they’ll stick their entire bodies in your car, and you’ll think you’re about to die. Bison are huge, and zebras are vicious, and I’m betting if you’re anything like me, you’ll be a little bit traumatized after your adventure. But, it’s cheaper than a flight to Africa, and you can tell all your friends you touched a zebra once. What’s cooler than that?
7. Do a library crawl
You were thinking I’d say Corner bar crawl, right? Wrong. According to the U.Va. library website, this University is home to 12 libraries. That’s a lot more than the number of bars on the Corner, and we all know that quantity beats quality when it comes to this sort of thing. To make things interesting, take out a book at every library — you’ll have a hard time remembering which book came from where, so returning each one will be somewhat of a scavenger hunt. Here’s hoping the scavenger hunt doesn’t drive you too insane — if you’re feeling too overwhelmed by the amount of knowledge you’re gaining inside each building, maybe resort to that Corner crawl I mentioned in the first sentence. The way I see it, nothing is too bad after a Virginian Trash Can or 12.
8. Crash an admissions tour
Remember how young you were when you sat down in the quad by Old Dorms, listening to stories that may or may not have been true from an excitable UGuide? Relive those glory days by jumping in on a tour for potential first-years and their families, freaking them out by throwing in your two cents about what U.Va. is really like. When I took a tour as a senior in high school, my father — who had attended U.Va. in the ‘80s — decided it was appropriate to interrupt the entire tour to tell stories about what he had done as a first year. Not only was this extremely embarrassing, but it made me mistrust my guide for the rest of the tour as I questioned the authenticity of his stories regarding wholesome fun in the AFC post-midnight. Enlighten the prospies with your harsh realities, but let them learn about Gus Burgers themselves. They’ll feel proud of their “unique” discovery.
9. Sit in on a class you are not enrolled in
Still bitter you didn’t get off the waitlist for Coppock’s Macroeconomics class? Really feeling like learning about the history of the women poets of the later half of December 1942? Don’t let college pass you by without exposing yourself to such critical knowledge. Who cares if the class is five, 10 or 300 people — the party definitely don’t start ‘till you walk in. This class didn’t even know what it was missing all semester. Bring an apple or something to appease the professor, as your presence in her class might be severely frowned upon. Bonus points if you sit for a test. Don’t forget to check Collab for that week’s readings!
10. Break into JPJ
Wanna shoot like Anthony Gill? Hit a three like Malcolm Brogdon? Why not practice where the greats do — in the center court of John Paul Jones Arena, home to both the male and female basketball teams as well as the inexplicably large amount of WWE wrestling events and random Addams Family concerts. You’re paying tuition here for a reason, and that reason probably includes an invitation to the most famed, hardwood floor at this University. If someone tries to kick you out, tell them you’ve been recruited as a manager and flash the “hot boi” face, like that one kid who did it on ESPN. Whoever you’re talking to will be so confused by your constant chin rubbing that they’ll have to let you in — practice your half court shot, so you can have a chance of winning thousands of dollars the next time College Gameday comes to Charlottesville.
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