1. Environmental Science majors — The “Mudslide”
One part Kahlúa, three parts Baileys Irish Cream. This drink is perfect for cozy nights watching Discovery Channel and reading National Geographic … this is what I assume environmental science majors do in their free time. It’s also a great calming concoction for when you contemplate the irreparable damage to the earth and imminent extinction of numerous animal species due to human activity. Cheers!
2. All E-School majors — The “Adios Motherf—kers”
One part vodka, one part rum, one part tequila, one part gin, one part Blue Curacao, four parts sweet and sour mix and four parts 7 Up. This drink may kill you. I feel compelled to let everyone know that a “part” in this piece is 1/2 ounce. Please keep this in mind. As for why E-School kids need this drink, well, no one needs to relax more than them. No one. I have a friend in the E-School. I haven’t seen her in weeks. She lives in the apartment under me. What is the E-School doing to these students! I want my friend back!
3. English majors — The “Hemingway Daiquiri”
A half-part grapefruit juice, a half-part maraschino liqueur, three parts light rum and one part lime juice. A rumored favorite of Ernest Hemingway — although he had many “favorite” drinks — there are a good number of English majors that may just drink this on principle. Imagine their thought process: “Wow, this is horrific … but Hemingway … I’ll just pretend to like it and then move on to something better when I’m done …. ” Ironically, this is very much how I felt while reading the Canterbury Tales.
4. History majors — The “Hundred Years’ War”
One part vermouth, one-half part orange liqueur, six parts gin and one drop of bitters. I had a hard time choosing between this and the Old Fashioned, but decided to mix things up a little. Everyone’s heard of an Old Fashioned. Like the English major, there’s a good chance the history major will just drink this out of respect for history while not-so-subtly eyeing whatever sweet orange juice / vodka concoction is closest. Sorry history majors, I couldn’t find anything less horrid to assign you.
5. Biology majors — The “Finding Nemo”
A half-part Blue Curaçao, a half-part pineapple juice, one part lime juice, one part Hypnotiq, two parts coconut rum and a Swedish fish. This blue sweet, blue concoction is fun and a great way to forget that test next week. Why wait to drink it during the weekend? You can make it anytime, anywhere … doing homework, during lab … while studying for the MCAT. Remember, you can always just be a chiropractor. Also, there’s candy in it! Who doesn’t like candy?
6. Art History Majors — The “Poor Man’s Pie”
One part apple schnapps, one part cinnamon schnapps. To all art history majors, I would like to cordially apologize for assigning the drink that implies you made a horrible decision regarding your major. I really am. I’m an English major, trust me, I sympathize. However, it was just too easy! The low-hanging fruit was within reach, and well, I’m a naturally lazy person. But, hey! Apple and cinnamon sounds tasty, right?
7. All Batten School majors — The “Patriotic Blow”
Three-fourths-part sloe gin, three-fourths-part Blue Curaçao and whipped cream. I kind of just assume that all Batten kids love this country and want to make it better or something. Also, I’m just going to add politics majors into this one. So go ahead you ambitious bastards! Go and make the world a better place! Just make sure not to drink this in front of anyone important. A blue drink is not dignified. Opt for a nice wine instead.
8. All A-School Kids — The “Pink Cement”
One part razz rum, one part strawberry cream liqueur. So apparently this drink goes into a shot glass and is supposed to … coagulate … hence the cement part of the drink. Well, that sounds fun. I chose this drink (shot?) because cement is used to build stuff and I honestly have no idea what A-School kids even do. I assume they make buildings using pipe cleaners and macaroni. Feel free to correct me on this one, but I’m like 80 percent sure that’s it.
9. Psychology majors — The “Jedi Mind Trick”
Two parts dark rum, two parts amaretto, two parts Kahlúa, two parts Baileys, three scoops of ice cream and two cherries. Well doesn’t this just sound absolutely amazing? I imagine psychology majors drinking (eating?) this while panicking over all of their self-diagnosed mental disorders. They’ll probably go heavy on the ice cream. Don’t worry psychology majors, I’m sure only half of you are crazy.
10. All Comm School Majors — The “Humble Pie”
Two parts blood orange vodka, two parts Aperol, a half-part lemon juice and club soda. Lol.
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