As much as I take pride in being “different” and “unique” (like every other millennial), this story starts off as basic as it gets, so please bear with me. Earlier today, a close friend of mine and I decided to get Roots and eat it on the Lawn. I semi-complained, semi-celebrated over being done with my two exams of the day, and then I slightly gushed about going out later; she was going to Clemons Library to probably study all night after our chat — we’re very interesting U.Va. students.
Having had a busy few weeks, it had been a while since we had last caught up, so we went over all the basics — stories about sorority formals, class scheduling for next semester, weekend plans and some more classic things (“I can’t believe it’s 70 degrees out but I love it! Virginia weather is crazy … ”). After a few minutes of that small talk, I asked her about how life was going … really. I had noticed some behavior changes and, having been concerned, asked her if she was okay.
It turns out she was not. I listened to her explain how school was stressful and some other personal things had been bothering her, and then soon I realized that there really was a lot more going on with this friend of mine than I had originally thought. At the end of our conversation, it had escalated quite a bit, and she ended up brushing it off with a, “Yeah, but other people have bigger problems so I don’t like talking to people about it. I feel like my issues don’t even compare.”
This immediately reminded me of a few days before when another friend of mine was confiding in me over some friendship issues she was having, and also said something along the lines of, “But I really shouldn’t be complaining, I know a lot of people have had rough semesters and this is nothing compared to that.”
But the thing is my friends’ issues did matter and they were still very real. I realized that there have been times when I, too, have held in things that were bothering me or on my mind either because I didn’t want to burden my friends or because I thought my problems were too insignificant to mention. When I thought about this more, I decided that this exact mentality is the reason a lot of people are constantly stressed — they hold in their little issues and let it build up into something much larger.
Here’s my belief: no issue is too small to talk about, and if your friends are good people that care about you, they will acknowledge that. Even if the problem is relatively small, venting to someone you trust is always going to be better than letting it bother you and build up for too long. Whether or not my friends’ issues are problems that are considered “serious,” this type of mentality is one that perpetuates the stigma around mental health issues.
Recently on Second-Year Council, we’ve been asked to attend and promote a Council event called Fight the Stigma week, which is a week of events geared towards promoting mental health and breaking the stigma built around mental health issues. The negative connotation associated with “mental health issues” is that people who suffer from them are “crazy” or “unstable,” but in actuality, we all have problems. Whether or not we suffer from severe depression, or are just stressed about taking three exams in a span of 72 hours, we should be cognizant of the fact that it’s not unreasonable to ask for help, or even just talk to a friend who cares. It’s important to know that even if we are not suffering from an actual mental disorder, our problems are still problems nonetheless, and we shouldn’t have to settle with being unhappy — if even for just a day, because we think our issues are small.
I think everyone realizes by now that college is no walk in the park. Even more, we all know that we’re all pretty much in the same boat: exams, homework, friends and much, much more are on our plates. If a problem comes up that even affects a minor part of your mood, for even a short period of time, it’s important to know that people still care. Tell your friends about how stressful your week is going to be or how nervous you are about asking that guy to formal, and let them take you out to Arch’s for frozen yogurt, because they care and you deserve to be happy.
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