Welcome to orientation! I’m sure you’ve read and heard about all the amazing things you can do at U.Va. and all the best practices for having a great first year. Well, now it is time for even better practices that can be found nowhere other than the Humor section of The Cavalier Daily. Duh.
10) Wear as much Fortnite merchandise as possible. This will show everyone where your priorities lie and just how cool your extracurricular activities really are.
9) Steal your RA’s wallet. This is a fun prank that has multiple positive results! First, it lets your RA know that you are a fun-loving resident who is always up for an adventure. Second, it allows you to replenish your money! RAs are supposed to always be there for you, and there’s no better way for them to do that than to involuntarily support your Juuling habit.
8) Make as many snap judgements as possible. When meeting new people, always remember the old adage, “Book covers are pretty much perfect summaries.” First impressions should be the only impression!
7) Use Limes as your primary means of transportation. Students LOVE it when multiple scooters take up the whole sidewalk when they’re trying to get to class. Cut someone off with your Lime, and you’re sure to get a warm response about your cool scooter skills.
6) You’ll be meeting a lot of new people in the next few weeks. Make sure to intentionally call them all by the wrong name. This will give you the appearance of having so many friends that you can’t keep track! This will make your new friends want to hang out with you even more!
5) Don’t go to class! Everything that you can learn in a classroom can easily be replicated through the internet in the comfort of your own dorm.
4) Meal plans get hella costly per meal. In order to maximize your dining hall experience, never leave the dining hall. Each meal should last between three to four hours, just in time for the next meal to start! Get the most out of your money!
3) Any Oasis fans out there? If you can play “Wonderwall”make sure to show it by bringing your acoustic guitar to the Lawn and jamming all day long! Everyone will not only be impressed by your talent, but they will also be impressed by your song choice.
2) Everyone knows that streaking the Lawn in a time-honored U.Va. tradition. What many don’t know, however, is that streaking during the day is an even more time-honored U.Va. tradition. People may not believe you if you say that you streaked the Lawn at night. If you do it during the day, the hundreds of witnesses will ensure that everyone knows that you streaked.
1) Another lesser known tradition has only been accomplished once in school history. In 1895, the Rotunda was set ablaze. What many people don’t know, is that it was started by a student trying to accomplish the Rotunda Fire Challenge. See if you can be the second student to accomplish this feat!
*Of course, these are completely not real suggestions. Please read the rest of this paper to receive better and more genuine advice. Have a great orientation! Go Hoos!*
Benjamin Miller is the Humor Editor for The Cavalier Daily. He can be reached at b.miller@cavalierdaily.com.
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