You may be wondering what Webkinz — the stuffed animal brand which includes an interactive online world — has to do with arts and entertainment, and above that, how it could possibly cure your stress during this time. You may be saying, this should not even be an article in this newspaper. What happened to concert coverage? What happened to book talks? What’s the hottest new movie in theaters? To that I say, settle down and stay a while in the childhood e-game renaissance.
While Webkinz is not necessarily the highest art form, it is most definitely the best form of entertainment you can find in this age without concerts, movies or art shows. Your best option is to regress to your fourth-grade self and beat all your high scores on various games.
I had not logged on to Webkinz since I was nine — but just recently, in a fit of quarantine-induced boredom, rediscovered my account where my blue hippopotamus, Ellie, had been sleeping for eleven years. Perhaps you never felt the elementary school high of escorting your furry friend through a brave new world — fear not. If you never made a Webkinz account back in the early 2000s, you can make an account for free, even without the accompanying stuffed animal.
Webkinz offers you a plethora of options for entertainment. Here are the best and worst games to play while waiting out your quarantine.
Best — Cash Cow 2
Not to be confused with Cash Cow the original, Cash Cow 2 provides the best opportunity for maximum Kinz-Cash earnings. With popping graphics and satisfying “cha-chings” when you win a level, it is itself modern art.
Worst — Wacky Zingoz
This is an objectively bad game, in which it is very difficult to get a high score. You act as a strange orange monster hitting tiny yellow creatures — the Zingoz — with a club. Not only is it oddly violent for a children’s website, it is also super boring. Did I still play it for approximately 30 minutes? Yes.
Best — Polar Plunge
Help an adorable little polar bear go sledding and hop over snowmen. It is a lot like that dinosaur game you can play on Google when your internet fails.
Worst — Booger Gets an A
Another objectively bad game because all you do is math. If you like addition, maybe try this one out, otherwise keep scrolling and treat your imaginary pet to a better quarantine activity.
Best — Color Storm
Imagine Tetris, but with multicolor raindrops that a stormcloud drops. Need I say more?
Worst — Operation Gumball
To be entirely honest, not only is the aesthetic of this game all off — a gumball machine in a weird laboratory? — it was far too confusing for my quarantine brain and I continuously got zero points. If you try this game and do really well, please don’t tell me.
All Time Best — Gem Hunt
Roll on up to the Curio Shop and talk to Artie the frighteningly anthropomorphic dog. Head into the mines and find your gem of the day. You get three chances to find a gem and reach the Crown of Wonder, so choose wisely which rock you hit with your tiny pick-axe.
All Time Worst — Home Before Dark
This game is truly so anxiety-inducing and not worth your time. Styled loosely like a puzzle or a maze, you have to rearrange pieces in order to let the tiny Webkinz animals make their way home before the night comes. While some people might find it enjoyable, in this day and age you have to wonder — what are those Webkinz doing out of their houses? Seems shady if you ask me.
Kick back and relax in between your Netflix binges, Zoom lectures and family time with some true entertainment — a night on the town with your Webkinz.
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