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I am an absolute sucker for fall — maybe the title of this article gave that away. Nonetheless, my love for this season goes deeper than finally having an opportunity to use the semi-cliché phrase of “turning over a new leaf.” Fall is all about a fresh start, and I love everything about that.
The start of fall signifies comfortably being able to sip on hot beverages — such as my favorite mocha lattes from Grit on Elliewood Avenue — without the fear of feeling like I am going to melt from the heat. It means finally being able to wear my cute sweaters in the morning, even if I may be sweating in the 70-degree afternoon weather. Above all, fall is about the vibrant hues of orange, red and yellow leaves trickling down in the wind.
For many, the colors, crisp scent and mere presence of leaves simply signify the start of a new season and nothing more. However, for me it moves beyond those physical changes to include a larger, more metaphorical shift. This year in particular, the start of fall symbolizes the start of a new version of myself — hence the titular idiom of turning over a new leaf.
I would be lying if I said that my inspiration for a new mindset is exclusively from the seasonal change. In all honesty, the backstory runs a little deeper than that.
To provide some context, I have experienced one unfortunate event after another over the last couple of months. Honestly speaking, you could say that my life has been “a series of unfortunate events,” and even that might not do it justice.
I’ll do you the favor of leaving out all the traumatic details, but it is safe to say that much of the life I once used to know has been stripped away from me. From changes in friendships to the loss of a community I thought of as a home to putting a new definition of survivor in my personal dictionary, it feels like my whole world has been pulled out from underneath me.
I know that sounds rather morbid, and in all honesty, it would be a lie to say it isn’t. Luckily, I have been fortunate enough to find support both professionally and within my support system to cope over the last few months. With that being said, I have come to the conclusion that it is finally time to move past all these struggles and start anew.
As I was going through everything life threw my way over the last few months, I did a lot of self-reflection. At times, it often felt easy to blame myself rather than look deeper and accept the harsher realities of the world around me. It seemed I was trying to cling onto ideas of people and relationships that might not have ever existed in the first place. I would have to say this has been one of the hardest yet most enlightening realizations I have made recently.
It took some time to truly accept this and move forward, and I believe I am still in the process of reaching full acceptance. By being able to make this monumental step of confronting the hard truth, I have been able to refocus much of my energy on what matters most — and right now, that has been myself.
Inspired by my favorite musician, I would like to say I am entering my own “reputation” era. For those of you who are not familiar with Ms. Taylor Alison Swift, this refers to the album she released in 2017. After being involved in various public disputes involving other celebrities and facing constant tabloid criticism, Swift decided to develop a new identity through her album titled “reputation.” This marked the beginning of an era of taking control and being confident in oneself despite the rumors others may spread, and that is exactly the energy I want to emanate as I embark on my own era of self-confidence and growth.
I realized that I need to stop making excuses for those who have done me wrong and stand up for myself. As someone who has been a people-pleaser for as long as I can recall, this was easier said than done. It’s hard to not feel guilty for putting yourself first, but it is something that needs to be done regardless of how difficult it might initially feel.
By doing so, I have learned to not invalidate my feelings, even if doing so may support the emotions of those around me or appear more agreeable to the general public. It sounds so simple, but it has had such a big impact on my self-worth and how I perceive myself. I think the mere thought of validating one’s thoughts releases any regard for how others might see you. This release is a critical step in becoming more confident and comfortable with yourself, as the possibly distorted visions of yourself that come from others can truly be detrimental.
Furthermore, I have realized how I used to put up with such terrible treatment, and I know that I will never make the same mistakes again if it ever comes to it. I can — and I will — triumph over any obstacles that may come my way.
If you were feeling even the tiniest bit inspired by the onset of the new season, I hope this column takes that inspiration further. Whether it’s about implementing a new mindset when it comes to your academics or how you value yourself, you are more than capable of achieving that growth. It is time to start living for yourself and the person you believe you are, as well as the one you believe you can be.
On the verge of sounding utterly cliché, you are your own forever — so turn those metaphorical leaves over until you find what works best for you. Take the chance to begin anew. Who knows, you might find yourself in your own “reputation” era.
Zoya Zahid is a Life Columnist for The Cavalier Daily. She can be reached at life@cavalierdaily.com.
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