Once again, it’s February. And with February comes the 14th. Now, if you’re like most people, you are either spending Valentine's Day with your significant other(s) or are lying in wait for Single People Awareness Day the following morning when all the chocolate is on sale. But, unfortunately, during this time of year, we fail to recognize those that are working the hardest and that deserve our appreciation the most. No, I am not talking about the retail workers who work overtime trying to help individuals pick out the perfect gift for their significant other(s). Nor am I referencing the therapists that have to deal with couples whose Valentine's Day wasn’t as magical as they had dreamed it to be. I am talking about the ones who put in the most work to make sure their partners have a great Valentine's Day — the cheaters.
Now, usually people like to hate on cheaters because they don't have something called “morals,” but what these individuals fail to realize is that cheaters go above and beyond when it comes to making sure their partners have a satisfactory Valentine’s Day. On a daily basis, cheaters already have to lie, hide their phone, and make sure their side pieces do not accidentally run into each other. I mean, imagine having to convince your significant other that the person named “Baby<3” calling you is actually your two-year-old cousin who just got a phone. Kids and their technology these days, am I right?
However, on Valentine’s Day, it’s a whole other story. Not only do cheaters have to buy more gifts to disperse to their love interests, but they also have to make sure they visit each person on this holiday. That means that a cheater not only has to use their advanced organizational and planning skills to give each of their Valentines some quality time, but they also have to ensure that their lovers do not insist that they spend the whole day together. This may seem complicated, but cheaters are masters. There is always the “I have a meeting after” excuse. Or the “I’m out of town and will make it up to you later” one. Or, a true classic, “My grandma just died”. Or, and this one is my personal favorite, not that I use it or anything, the “I don’t believe in Valentine’s Day because it promotes capitalism by diminishing love to a mere day on the corporate calendar” excuse. Perfect. But cheaters, like us, are able to make mistakes. So, if no excuse works, they use their secret weapon — the threat of a breakup.
I am sure some people will try to say this is emotional manipulation, but that does not even make sense because the cheater's emotions are not being manipulated. Anyway, if a lover is getting too pushy about her appointment time on Valentine’s Day, then cheaters are left with their nuclear option — a breakup. Now, cheaters aren’t stupid. They put all this time and effort into lying and manipula… influencing their significant other, so what’s the point in losing what you worked so hard to keep? Well, this is where cheaters get crafty. The threat is there, yes, but that doesn’t mean the cheaters will actually cut ties with one of their lovers. And because no one wants to be broken up with on Valentine’s Day, the pushy Valentine eventually settles down. But do not worry — the cheater, like a true lover, will make it up to them. Eventually.
Cheaters are the MVPs of Valentine’s Day. Not only do they reduce the number of lonely people on this beloved holiday, but they are democratic with their love and willing to even get with people, plural, on the day itself. Can you imagine anything more selfless? I think it is about time that we change the name of Valentine’s Day to Cheater’s Day. I mean, Saint Valentine only united countless couples in secret marriages and restored a blind girl's sight. But cheaters make people blind with love and reject the institution of marriage, which is way better. Nonetheless, if you find out your partner is cheating on you during Valentine’s Day, thank them for their service. Maybe even perform the service yourself. As a wise person once said “Cheating is a choice. The right choice.” Happy Valentine’s Day!
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