The void of time after the beginning of a semester can be such a drag. The adrenaline and business of attending your classes for the first time wears off, and the tinge of regret in your schedule choices is extinguished after you accept your dreadful fate. You know midterms will approach faster than you realize, and yet, the boredom persists. Fear not, my close-but-not-so-close-friend-since-I-do-not-know-who-you-are, I am here to rescue you from your University-shaped prison. Until you lock yourself in Brown Library twelve hours straight for a quadruple-shot espresso-fueled study fest when exam season comes to greet you with its cold claws, allow me to enlighten you with a few tips on how to banish your boredom.
Walk across Grounds — and I mean all of Grounds
Did you know that the University encompasses almost two thousand acres? I certainly did not before researching said information for this very article. If my STEM major serves me well for once, I can tell that number equates to quite the distance. You can fill up a lot of time with that distance. Can you tell where I am going with this? I hope so. You want to cure your boredom? Start on one edge of the school map and walk straight until you hit the end, take one step to your right or left, walk all the way back in the direction you came in and repeat. It may take you quite a few hours, but can you imagine how much sightseeing you can accomplish during such an extended journey?
Write, direct, and star in a one-person performance of your favorite syllabus
Have you ever been forced by educational obligation to take a syllabus quiz, or has some random project deadline ever blindsided you? Worry no longer, not only can this suggestion give you a real purpose in life, it can replace your dignity with embarrassment as well. Stitch your own costume to mimic your professor’s style, design a set replicating your classroom — the possibilities to diminish your boredom are endless. No matter your major, I assure you that producing a one-person play of a multi-page syllabus will fill you with such satisfaction and accomplishment that you will wait in agony until the next semester when you gain access to more syllabi to perform. Heck, ask your friends for theirs and educate them on your own dime.
Start your own secret society, or a cult
The emptiness in your life may be due to a lack of idolization of the ground you walk on and an absence of devoted followers who would sell their soul to buy you a bag of chips. If you think this is the case, I would advise you to devote yourself to the construction of a secret society, or a cult — I certainly can’t see the difference. The creation of such an organization will consume so much of your time that you will be too preoccupied with buying new velvet cloaks and coming up with places to hide your emblem on Grounds so people do not forget your existence to even think of the word ‘boredom.’
Visit every single accessible room and rate its interior design on a scale of one to ten
Let us be honest, some of the classrooms on Grounds are lacking in style, to say the least. Most are quite dull in color, and the most exciting aspect of them is seeing how the previous class rearranged the seats. In fact, I had never before considered that classrooms or offices could be objects of interest until a human-sized cardboard cut-out of David Tennant peeking out of an office doorway in Bryan Hall scared the absolute crap out of me. After this frightening encounter that almost caused me to regenerate — and before you ask, that is a Doctor Who reference — I have since concluded that perhaps there are some interesting spaces around Grounds. I encourage you to seek them out — all of them, in fact — and grade them. You can keep these ratings to yourself, or better yet, write them down on a sticky note and leave it in the room so the inhabitants can be blessed by your opinions.
Commit arson
Less is more, with this suggestion. Will it possibly lead to criminal charges and a hefty fine? Yes, yes, I think it will. But, will you be bored? Oh, you certainly will not be bored anymore — I can assure you of that.
There is a secret sixth way to not be bored on Grounds. Do you want to guess what it is? No? It’s writing an article like this, that is what it is.
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