A group of students shuffles out of a lecture hall, each with a worried look on their face. None of them say a word — that is, until one brave soul pipes up, “Is it just me, or was that test insanely hard?” Upon hearing this the crowd erupts, with each student agreeing with what was just said and dissecting all the ways they screwed up their exam. It’s official — finals season approaches.
Since the construction company in charge of the Alderman Renovation is a serial procrastinator — much like me — most students are forced to spend countless hours in one of Clemons Library’s four levels studying for their midterms. The levels, each with their uniquely jarring fluorescent lighting, provide a means to psychoanalyze the students who study there. Don’t fret, I’m qualified — I took AP Psych in high school.
Clem One
First off if this is your study space of choice, WHY? Given its lack of natural light, made all the worse by the hideous fluorescent lighting strips, monotonous color pattern and funeral-like silence, I’d say you and the other students who frequent Clem One tend to enjoy discomfort, and work best in uncomfortable, often painful environments. Put differently, you’re all masochists. Another defining aspect of your personality is your excessive, borderline worrisome consumption of energy drinks. While some students may enjoy a Red Bull now and again, you can often be found walking in with a six-pack of energy drinks and a dead-eyed glare on your face. In fact, I hypothesize that caffeine dependence decreases as we go from Clem One to Clem Four.
Clem Two
I’ll be honest, I’ve not spent much time on Clem Two. Much of that comes down to the fact that Clem Two scares me. Every student that walks out of that floor seems chirpy, happy and healthy — like the overly upbeat kid from “Up”. I don’t know about you but I like my University students like I like my caskets — preferably dead inside. From what I’ve heard, though, Clem Two strikes a good balance between productivity and procrastination, implying that you and the students who study there have a sense of work-life balance — scary stuff.
Clem Three
If you study on Clem Three, you prefer to surround yourself with cool, interesting gadgets rather than people, and I don’t blame you. Something about the technology on that floor brings out the best in you, and you find yourself working hard under the harsh glare of the ceiling lights. Furthermore, the geometric shapes soothe you — the triangular couch design, the straight lines and the symmetric patterns all put you at ease. Maybe something about their ordered nature helps calm the inner chaos you're dealing with. Then again, you could just be thinking, “Pretty shape equals cool.”
Clem Four
If you study on Clem Four, you enjoy the finer things in life. You spend hours sitting in the comfortable leather chairs doing anything but studying, and then another few hours on the heated toilet seats in the restrooms — seriously, it’s always occupied! You view studying as a social activity, opting to “work” with friends in cubicles and booths. You are also obsessed with colorful whiteboard markers, often leaving the whiteboards looking like a Matisse painting.
So, the next time you find yourself in Clemons, hunched over your laptop, trying to navigate your way through a 15-page term paper — take a moment to realize what floor you’re on, look at the people around you and try to guess what life experiences led them to that particular Clem floor.
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