As we enter finals season, our brains as students become crowded with exams, winter break and the future. When you are not procrastinating studying by using up your final swipes at various dining halls — O’Hill is superior — you actually may become quite busy! In this frenzy, an emerging stressor fades into the background. We might be thinking of it, but odds are it slipped our minds somewhere around when the fourth “power-nap” turned into deep sleep. However, we cannot keep avoiding it any longer— it is enrollment.
Similar to your sleep paralysis demon, stress about enrollment comes in the night but plagues you for a lifetime. But fear not young class takers, for I have solutions for you. Here are the most interesting and useful classes being offered at the University next semester for when you need that quick switch during add/drop.
- ETP 3460 — Standing at the Bins: Dealing with Recycling in Front of an Audience, TuTh 9:30 a.m. - 10:45 a.m.
- If you are looking for a way to stop embarrassing yourself at the recycling bins, I have good news — ETP 3460 is a class designed to train you in recycling habits through brutal exposure therapy in front of a live studio audience. Honestly, at this point, if you do not have trash distribution memorized, consider this class a wake up call. I want to believe that our student body knows how to recycle properly, but I have seen one too many frat brothers hesitate on scene — recycling apparently threatens their masculinity. This course takes students through vulnerability workshops as well as integral environmental strategies to work against climate change. And smile, you’ll be on camera!
- DRAM 1111 — Theories and Methods of Maniacal Laughter Workshop, Mo 5:00 p.m. - 7:30 p.m.
- College is meant to prepare students with the skills they will need for life. And what better skill to learn than the art of maniacal laughter? This drama course will teach you how to employ your maniacal laughter in correct situations, whether it be a devious April Fool’s joke or sabotaging your arch nemesis — admit it, you have one. Maniacal laughter can be a useful skill in many fields, such as evil villainy, consulting and last but certainly widely perceived as least, musical theater. Fear not dear readers, I myself am a theater kid and have found many of my consultant peers using maniacal laughter in their case studies. If you are looking for a class that would serve as a good villain origin story as well as a useful skill, DRAM 1111 is the course for you.
- MAE 2900 — Foundations of Claw Clip Manufacturing, TuTh 3:30 p.m. - 4:45 p.m.
- When it comes to practical applications for your education, look no further than Claw Clip Manufacturing. There is not a more emerging and blossoming industry than the one of the claw clips. The great thing about claw clips is that they constantly break and therefore, constantly need reinvention. Using this class, you will be able to create the next mid-birthday gift for middle school students and the next groundbreaking gift for uncultured Gen Zers. But in all seriousness, it is good to know our engineers are learning valuable skills. Forget financial accounting, invest in your future with claw clips!
- MDST 4500 —“Alvin and the Chipmunks” and Its Cultural Impact Seminar, Tu 6:00 p.m. - 8:30 p.m.
- And for my last valuable recommendation, I present to you the cream of the crop — “Alvin and the Chipmunks” and Its Cultural Impact. For those of you who have not seen this masterpiece films series, I implore you to indulge over Winter Break and then take this course. Never has a series so seemingly childish proved to have such a large impact on culture. Course topics range from Alvin’s vocals on “Right Round” in the first film to the conception of family in American culture. The class might be late, but it is genuinely that time of night that inspires the greatest analysis. If you are at all interested in the impact of both the Chipmunks and Chippettes, I encourage you to take this course.
Whether you take my recommendations or not, I hope your next semester goes absolutely swimmingly and is filled with classes whose practical applications boggle the mind. And make sure enrollment does not become another sleep paralysis demon!
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