Editor’s note: This article is a humor column.
Ah, college — the best four years of your life. As I approach my final days on Grounds, I find myself reflecting on all the memories that I have made here. Am I ready for this adventure of a lifetime to be over? Of course not. So as I say goodbye, I want to celebrate what I will miss most about the University.
Writing for The Cavalier Daily
I will miss writing for The Cavalier Daily’s humor section, of course. In the future, I can only hope to find an equally fulfilling way to make jokes into an empty void.
Learning
I will really miss learning. Just in general. Apparently, Thomas Jefferson was a big proponent of lifelong learning. Nice idea, but I think I’m done now. It was nice while it lasted. So long, brain.
My Friends at Parking and Transportation
As I subtly alluded to in a previous article, the Department of Parking and Transportation is one of my favorite parts of the University. The people at Parking and Transportation are so thoughtful — they leave me personalized notes almost every day on my windshield. Most of them say, “Parking Citation Notice” or something really cute like that. When nothing was going my way, I could always count on them to notice me. Sometimes they would even play a little game where they would move my car to a mystery location. We had fun.
Credit Culture
University students love asking any and everyone they encounter, “How many credits are you taking?” I will miss being asked this question. Or perhaps more accurately, I will miss answering it. Inquirers were always delighted when I pretended not to know — “Oh, I don’t check the number.” I always tried to match people’s enthusiasm about enrollment with an equivalent level of apathy. Disrupting the stress bunny mindset was one of my favorite hobbies.
Being Crushed by Bureaucracy
I suppose every place has bureaucracy, but I can’t help feeling that the University’s bureaucracy is unique. For example, when I was feeling particularly naive during my first year, I scheduled an appointment with my dean to challenge the fact that no computer science classes fulfill the “Quantification, Computation and Data Analysis” requirement. In case you weren’t aware, computers do all three of those things. My dean basically said, “Bureaucracy, am I right?” Cool. Thanks, dean. Despite my initial resistance, I have since come to appreciate the rigidity of course requirements — it ensures that everyone receives a thorough education that teaches them how little power they have. I have also come to appreciate the flattening nature of bureaucracy. In fact, through this bureaucracy, the University does a wonderful job of preparing its students to understand that their voice will not make a difference.
Strolling Around Grounds
The bustling traffic jams of students rushing in between classes always filled me with energy and hope. That is, the energy to punch something and the hope of escaping the crowd one day. I cherished the thrill of dodging that electric scooter coming from behind me at full speed, carrying two frat bros who thought it was the funniest thing in the world that they were riding on a scooter together. I grew to love the feeling of later tripping over an electric scooter tossed across the sidewalk. It kept me on my toes. Or off of them, I guess. I will also miss walking back from my car to my dorm at night. There’s nothing like that peaceful feeling of clutching onto pepper spray in one hand and dialing 911 in the other.
Group Projects
I remember learning the importance of teamwork when one group member did not contribute anything to the project but attempted to bribe us with pizza. We all bring unique skills to the table. Some just happen to bring pizza. Thanks to group projects, I developed a wonderful policy in college — “Don’t trust nobody.”
The People
While I will miss these memories, what I’ll truly miss most about the University is the people. Shout out to the kid who has consistently come into lecture with a different sickness each week and coughed on the back of my head. Shout out to the professor who waited to grade all our assignments until after the course feedback form deadline had passed. And shout out to all the people who tried getting homework answers — how am I to find meaning in my work if others don’t take credit for it?
As I move into the next phase of my life, it is difficult to say goodbye to all of the wonderful memories I’ve made at the University. I will try to seek out the same joys in my next destination, but I know it will never be the same. I am going to miss this place.
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