Editor’s note: This article is a humor column.
CHARLOTTESVILLE, Va. — Students and staff alike were shocked early Wednesday morning when University President Jim Ryan went on what initially appeared to be an impromptu “Run With Jim” before veering northeast along Emmet Street and exiting Charlottesville entirely. Ryan is currently passing through Culpeper County and does not show any signs of stopping.
The Virginia Athletics Foundation has since dubbed this run the "Journey With James" and has been broadcasting live coverage of the run on ACC Network. According to a University spokesperson, this is a “fundraising event” which will continue indefinitely until the Dishonor the Future campaign goal is reached. So far, Ryan has raised $239, making progress towards the $5 billion goal.
At 7 a.m. Wednesday, Ryan started on a brisk jog down McCormick Road, following the route that he typically takes during a “Run With Jim.” Although the run was unannounced, students, many of whom were on the way to 8 a.m. lectures, began to jog alongside the president.
First-year Engineering student Dan Taylor briefly joined the president as he passed the Newcomb dining hall. Taylor said that Ryan was uncharacteristically reserved and irritable that morning.
“Honestly, I was looking for an excuse to skip my Ethics of Automatic Toilets engagement,” Taylor said. “I heard that they usually give out free T-shirts at the end of these runs and I really wanted one. When I asked [Ryan] if they were doing shirts this time, he just grunted at me so I went to Newcomb for a Tundy waffle.”
While The Cavalier Daily has been unable to confirm what precisely prompted this event, suspicions have been running rampant. Ryan’s close friends and family claim that his viewing of the film “Forrest Gump” this past weekend had a profound impact on him.
“By the time we got to the scene where Bubba was killed, it felt like something had clicked in James,” Katie Ryan said. “He wasn’t even touching his Caniac Combo. That’s when I knew he was really troubled by something.”
While Ryan’s run normally ends at Madison Hall, it quickly became apparent that the president was pursuing something much more ambitious when he didn’t turn off Emmet Street and continued northeast along Route 29. Many observers have since pointed out similarities between the route Ryan has taken thus far and Forrest Gump’s 1,170 day trek.
It appears that many students have opted to join Ryan on his “Journey With James.” A majority of these students are prospective applicants to the McIntire School of Commerce hoping to gain some sort of executive insight into the application process.
Benjamin Buford, prospective Commerce major and second-year College student, agreed to speak to The Cavalier Daily over the phone as he shadowed Ryan.
“Jimmy’s gonna crack any minute now, I just know it,” Buford said. “I know they’re inflating the comm school acceptance rate, and I’m not resting until he owns up to it. They only accepted one guy from Sig Lig last year, even though eight of my brothers applied. I’m not a math major, but one eighth is way less than 53 percent. They can’t keep lying to us forever.”
Ryan was spotted in Culpeper County this morning when he approached local dog walker and University alumnus Miles Furlong before asking him where the nearest dining hall was.
“I didn’t recognize him at first, I was honestly shocked to see him all the way out here with all of those students,” Furlong said. “He was completely out of breath, and by the time I’d even registered what he asked, he was running off saying that he’d ‘rather have Bodo’s anyway.’”
Bodo’s Bagels does not yet have a location outside of Charlottesville.
Since he left Grounds, many have urged Ryan to reconsider running altogether. At the very least, many alumni have called for him to name one of the University’s vice presidents to serve in his place. When pressed for comment on the issue, Ryan reportedly said that he was “thinking about Jenny.” It is unclear whether he was referring to University Vice President Jennifer “J.J.” Wagner Davis or the “Forrest Gump” character.
The Board of Visitors has taken measures to ensure that life on Grounds will continue as normal. Despite the unusual circumstances, the Board has affirmed their faith in Ryan in a statement released Wednesday evening.
“We have full faith in Jim Ryan to effectively continue his duties as president while away from Grounds,” the Board said. “As long as he continues to raise money, we have no plans to fire him.”
The Board refused to comment when asked if student interns within the Office of the President were managing the majority of the decision-making processes.
If Ryan is indeed following a route similar to that of Forrest Gump, he is projected to pass through the Northern Virginia area as early as Tuesday morning. Numerous high school seniors from the area are expected to join him.
“I just want to run my application essays by President Ryan,” prospective University student Runa Afar said, who plans to join the president as he runs along Route 29. “I can’t wait to set foot on campus next year!”
As of this publication, Ryan has remained largely unresponsive to the questions of ACC reporters, passing drivers and student journalists. He refuses to explain when he will return to Grounds but has been very enthusiastic when asked to discuss his love of running.
“I’ve been doing these runs with students since 2018, since my first year as president,” Ryan said to the ACC Network. “I just felt like running.”
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